***Submitted by Anonymous
I write this in a hungover haze.
I drank too much last night which is really nothing new, but last night I drank about 7 glasses of wine instead of my usual 4. I am 33 years old, have three children and stay home during the day with them.
I wake up thinking " I won't drink today," but by the end of a day of kids whining and me cleaning and cooking and stressing.
I always pour myself that first glass. Sometimes I go a couple of days without any in an attempt to prove that I don't have a problem, but I find it very hard to sleep and I feel itchy and agitated. My husband drinks the same amount I do. I have told him many times that I don't want to drink and he acts supportive, but I can see in his eyes that he is disappointed.
He seems to like the laid back buzzed me better than the stressed out me he sees when he gets home from work and I am sober. I want to have fun with him and we do have fun drinking together.
So I don't know what to do.
I feel so torn between "I deserve to drink because I work so hard" and "I want to be sober; there has got to be more than this".
Thanks for listening!