Tuesday, February 11, 2014

A Cry For Help

***Submitted by Anonymous

I need help!!! I had not idea so many woman had a problem with drinking! Until a couple of days ago,  I thought I was alone with this problem and every one else was coping with their lives just fine. I've been so very, very ashamed and confused why I can't stop.

I've been drinking wine, almost every evening, for almost 30 years. 

I never drank as a teenager or young adult. It started when my (ex) husband left me and our three small children. I was an immature 28 year old RN, orphaned at 16, completely on my own and terrified.

I clearly remember the night my life changed. I was crying on the kitchen floor, had no idea how I was going to raise three children on my own and found some wine in the refrigerator. I had a glass of wine and immediately calmed down. I was able to sleep through the night for the first time since my husband left.

I've been drinking almost every night since, never involved with any trouble, do not drink socially and never drink and drive. My beautiful daughter does not like me drinking in the evenings and I don't blame her. She is concerned about me and loves me very much.

Now I drink because I'm single, very lonely, work too much (out of my home) and use it to help me on the terribly lonely and boring evenings I face every night. I know this is my making, but I want to change and need help. I don't seek a relationship because I think my drinking makes me broken and I don't want to be with a man who drinks, because I will get worse.

Thanks for listening

10 comments:

  1. I know how lonely you must be. I have been there. Have faith, you don't have to wait until something bad happens to change your life. If it's a problem for your daughter then it's a problem. I know because my daughter is being raised by my sister because I would or could not give up the booze. I have made a choice to make changes and I am so grateful to be sober today. It's not easy. I decided to give alcohol anonymous a try. I attend meetings and share my thoughts and fears with woman who understand. I am learning new ways to live. You are not alone. I care. Here is a number that can help you find A/A in your area. 1617-426-9444

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  2. I'm right there with you. I don't have children, but I understand having a moment of brokenness as a young adult and turning to alcohol for comfort and then to find yourself years later still drinking and having this sort of self-loathing. I think the worst thing we can do is beat ourselves up about this. You were doing the best you could at that time when your ex left you and now you have more awareness. In fact it sounds like you have lots of self awareness. Alcohol is a coping strategy, albeit an unhealthy one. I drink because I feel alone, and have a good amount of anxiety and some episodes of depression. Lets face it, alcohol is never going to help me manage any of those things, but only make them worse. So I have to ask myself...how can I feel more connected to others, what can I do to manage the anxiety and the "blue times"...ie get some exercise and eat better, etc. All I know is that WE ARE MORE than our addiction to alcohol. And I also believe that AA works for some, but not for everyone, but it is worth checking out. You are a wonderful and capable person....you are bright and have raised children on your own. You also talk about your beautiful daughter. If your daughter was in your shoes, what would you do or say to help her? Sending healing thoughts your way.

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  3. Now is the opportunity to work on your relationship with you. Treat you like you would treat an old and dear friend you treasure. I was reading an article in the latest Shambhala Sun about Pema Chodron's teachings. I think there is something here that is key to addiction recovery, it resonated with me:
    "It is only through unconditional friendship with yourself that your issues will budge. Repressing your tendencies, shaming yourself, calling yourself bad - these will never help you realize transformation.
    Keep in mind that the transformation Ani Pema is talking about is not going from being a bad person to being a good person. It is a process of getting smarter about what helps and what hurts; what de-escalates suffering and escalates it; what increases happiness and what obscures it. It is about loving yourself so much that you don't want to make yourself suffer anymore."
    May your suffering end and happiness arise as you undertake this profound path of sobriety. It is so worth it.

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  4. As Zentient said, It is SO SO worth it. You have the power to make the change. An RN is the most respected profession in my mind-you are a stellar individual for choosing that life work. Honor yourself with sobriety. Just start with 100 days. Have you seen Belle's Tired of Thinking About Drinking blog and her 100 day challenge? Google her and perhaps that's a way to go. You email her once a day and read her blog and she's gotten a ton of peeps just like you and me hanging in there with her as we all strive to do each day well and sober. Come, join us and see how the first 100 days feels.

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  5. My heart aches for you, it IS so hard and it sounds like you have lots more to pour out. Have you thought of a diary or joining www.soberistas.com? There is a 24/7 chat room there with women at all stages of sobriety and alcoholism. Take care Rx

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  6. You must feel so alone right now, but don't. There are so many women who are like you and want to stop. I am one if them. Tomorrow, I will be celebrating 30 days of sobriety. That is because reached out to a fellow blogger (unpickled) when i thought I might have a problem. Reaching out is the first step and you don't have to walk this path alone. There are plenty of women who will stand by your side, and pick you up when you fall. Be good to yourself. Hugs to you.

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  7. I started drinking for the same reasons you did. You are not alone. Many of us walk this path with you.
    Stay strong and focused for your girls, on those days when you cannot be strong for yourself.
    Sending you love and light.

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  8. Nobody can even imagine your pain...it can be feel when it is yours..

    Best
    Get Your Love Back-Baba Shivanand Ji

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  9. Dont give up darling I to love to drink im 43 my mum thinks im having a coffee but its whiskey with a bit of coffee for colour i hide it no one knows how much i drink im ashamed so very ashamed but i wont give up every day i dare myself not to drink and slowly im winning those bets your not alone sending you love strength and dont forget to pray God loves you so much thats why he created only ONE of you cause your are so unique and precious and devine and he LOVES YOU xx

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