Tuesday, January 21, 2014

TIME TO SAVE MYSELF

    

*** submitted by Anonymous


My last drink was 48 hours ago.  I'm a full time nurse getting ready to complete my final semester of a nursing master's program.  I've been a nurse for 20 years.  I used to work on a drug and alcohol detox unit.  I know what alcoholism is.  My mother, brothers, grandparents, aunts, and uncles were all alcoholics.  Alcoholism creeps up on you like the boogyman.  I've been drinking for about 15 years.  Daily wine (3-4 glasses/night) during the week, heavy vodka on Friday and Saturdays.  I black out once per week.  I don't treat my 3 children right when I'm drunk.  My friends are beginning to complain about my behavior when I drink.  And my husband, the angel, has had to spend many nights getting me home safely, cleaning me up, and reporting my antics the previous night that I could not remember.

It's getting too much.  A couple of years ago, I fell in a hotel bathroom injuring my head and face and did not realize it until I woke up the next day and looked in the mirror.  I have come to the realization that if I intend to complete my degree and continue having a successful career and intact family, I must stop.  I've tried to fool myself too long, "I can handle it.  I'm gaining so much weight because I'm peri-menopausal.  I'm highly functioning-right?"

I have to save myself from myself.  I am an alcoholic.  I'm destroying myself, my family, and soon, my career.  I want to stop before I lose everything.  It took several years for me to get to this point of heavy drinking and I know I am in imminent danger of losing everything.

13 comments:

  1. You can do it; many have and are here to support your efforts and cheer you on, encourage you and give you coping mechanisms. It will make all the difference in the world to every aspect of your life. Work, home, school, relationships, sleep, health, diet and weight, skin conditions clearing up and you glowing... Please give yourself this gift of sober living and then your family will accept their gift of the new you. We're here for you.

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  2. A big congrats on your 48 hours, and for writing this. You can save yourself, and you've already started to do so. So many of us have this same thing, where the alcohol creeps up even though we "know better." I think seeing the problem clearly, admitting it to yourself and to others, is such an important first step. Wishing you all the best here. Be kind to yourself, and draw on all the support that's around. Life is worth it! xo

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  3. You have already done the hardest part of changing how alcohol works in your life: Deciding that what you are currently doing isn't working and that you want to make a change. I am also in the medical field- and it can feel so incredibly dumb- to realize the adverse health consequences of what one is doing, and continue it anyway. And you are ready to be done with that! I am sending you thoughts of support and caring. Please keep posting so I can follow your journey!!

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  4. You're right. You are going to lose everything if you don't quit. But you HAVE quit and that proves how strong you are. You can DO this. You've already made it through the hardest part...admitting you have a problem and stepping away from the wine. It's all up to you - the power is within your heart.

    You owe this to yourself. You're worth it...I promise.

    Sherry

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  5. Have you read Jason Vale's book "Kick the Drink...Easily". Also, the Soberistas website is a huge support..We are all in the same boat. But, we can beat this.

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  6. You can do it. I did. I actually did it without AA, its been 8 months. It was easier for me to buy some books, notebooks, surf the internet, join online anonymous forums, like smart recovery.... im just saying, AA is not the only way. Look into alternatives to find what is right for you. In my case, had I been in AA all this time, talking about it everyday, the slogans, the people, the sharing, the (dare i say) cult-like steps and methods....i owuld have never stayed sober permanently. best of luck to you!!!

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  7. Please also check out the website WFS or Women for Sobriety. Founded by Jean Kirkpatrick. It is awesome! Good luck on your journey, you CAN do this.

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  8. I feel like you are in a very dangerous place but it's good that you realize it. When you tell yourself that you can handle drinking and you will only have a couple, read your post again to remind you of your desperation and fear.

    You can do this! You are stronger than you realize and you are stronger than the boogyman. Take your life back and know you are important, loved, and needed.

    God bless you and keep fighting.

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  9. This seems crazy that I came across this post. I am also an RN, I have a huge final tomorrow in peds, then one more semester for practicum and I will graduate as a FNP. I have known for a while that I am drinking way too much especially because I am either working or glued to my desk every night (excuse, right). I found myself drinking often one bottle a night, like tonight when I have a really big final, when I first started the program i was afraid to drink the night before school, now Im up to a bottle... I know that Im such a better nurse without being hungover all the time. I feel like a huge hippocrate I am also a certified wellness coach, only eat organic and grass fed animal meat, people ask me for advice on diet and exercise all the time, meanwhile Im destroying my body with alcohol and also gaining weight. Its such a struggle, I wont eat wheat, but I will drink a bottle of wine in one sitting....wtf

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  10. ok just posted that and now wished I knew how to do the anonymous thing

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  11. My last drink was 21 hours ago. I too and up to a bottle plus per night. I'm scared. I was sober for 8 years and 10 months. I started drinking again 18 months ago and I'm out of control. I hate the hangovers, the secrecy, and the self loathing. I tried AA for a while but I hated having to call a sponsor everyday and I hated seeing people I know there. I need help!

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  12. Hello... i am a week . Relapsed again. Gets more dangerous every time. Look we can do this together ! Wishing you special courage . We were not put here to destroy are selfs like this. Keep it in the day girl x

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