I feel like I am spinning wheels, stuck in the same vicious cycle.
I feel like I have ruined yet another summer for my kids because I am hung over 4 days a week at least and on those days I have no patience. I raise my voice and I do not feel like going anywhere or doing anything.
You know it is sad when your 7 year old son asks you not to drink anymore!!!
I have so much going for me, a successful business that allows me to work from home around my family, I go to a great church, my kids are in private school and we are all healthy and happy. So what is my problem?
Most evenings I feel like I am forcing myself to drink almost against my will and the reason is that it seems like a good place to escape after a long day at home.
During the summer my drinking is always worse because I feel like I have not a minute to myself . A lot of mothers joke about drinking and drinking a lot but I am no longer seeing the humor in it at all!!
The only days that I like myself anymore are the ones when I wake up and realize that I did not drink the night before and on those days I am the best mom, wife and the best me. I feel like I can achieve all of my dreams on those days, so why do I drink that night and ruin that feeling??
I run marathons and work out 6 days a week and it seems that all I am doing is burning off the booze and all the hard work is wasted.
I practically starve myself to save up the calories..how sick is that. One of my kids the other day asked me why I never eat (when we were at the table for dinner) and I just looked into those sweet eyes and thought " Dear God what kind of example am I setting"? I was actually ashamed of myself.
I simply am not drinking anymore. I do not want to be such a poor example for my children and I want my husband to be proud of the person that I know that I am.