***Submitted by Anonymous
Day 1 after yet another hang over day, so it could really be day 2. But I can't count it as that, I usually don't drink the day after I drink too much I am far too sick to even think about it.
I am 49 years old, married (to my best friend and drinking partner), no children of my own, but two lovely grown up step daughters and 3 grandchildren.
I am a business owner which is just as well as I would surely be fired due to the number of "sick" days I take off work. I really don't want to face the reality, but the reality is that at least 2 days out of 5 I am out of commission due to hangovers.
If I just about manage to drink not quite as much and make it to work...but oh so fuzzy...can't concentrate or do my job effectively. Then of course I drink again that night...and so the roller coaster goes.....I desperately want to get off this roller coaster.
This state of affairs did not happen overnight. My husband and I were both sober and in AA when we married over 16 years ago. 2 years completely sober and about 5 years of mostly sober. Then came the wine in cooking...and then the wine in a glass...then back on the rum and it has been 15 years (really is it that long?) with some very brief times of "we just can't do this anymore". We encourage each other to stop...then we encourage each other to start again. He wants to go to AA out of our small town...I am not so keen, I don't think it works for me, unless I could find a woman only group. I think I need to find my own path to sobriety, not joined at the hip with him...as much as I love him and I know he loves me I think we need to find our own independent sobriety, perhaps then we could be strong for each other?
I just can't keep this up any longer this cycle of sickness is killing me physically and mentally and it will eventually kill my business (if I face facts it is already suffering) and my relationships ("no honey, Grandma can't pick you up to stay overnight" she wants to have drink instead) too...it is only a matter of time....I know it. I feel trapped, dreading this evening when I will be faced yet again with decision of picking up that drink that leads to oblivion.
I have been reading your blog and it gives me hope...I know it is one day at a time and I will try to make this day count.