Wednesday, June 19, 2013

I Want To Live

***Submitted by Anonymous

About three months ago I was laying in bed in the evening and having some wine. I had cooked dinner and cleaned the house. The kids were doing their thing, my husband was downstairs watching TV. I don't usually drink in bed, but that night I did.

I was feeling hopeless and ashamed. There was nothing I felt like doing. I just felt like my life was a joke, and to get back to where it was (perfect), was impossible.

I remembered I had forgotten to take my anti-anxiety pill (prescribed to me). I got up, went to the bathroom, opened the pill bottle - and right then without even thinking for a second, I decided to take them all. 100 pills.

I laid back down on my bed and thought about my life. I started to get sleepy. I texted my husband, saying how much I love him.

The next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital. 2 days later, in an ICU, with a breathing tube in my throat. I couldn't understand where I was, what had happened. I couldn't talk because of the breathing tube. It was dark. My hands were tied to the bed. I felt my mouth with my tongue and it felt as though I had no teeth. I was terrified.

The next morning my husband came and explained what had happened. He was crying. I felt awful. Never again, I decided. I wanted to live. I love my husband and my kids, I wanted to live life to the fullest.

I got out of the hospital a few days later with instructions to go to mental health clinic.

I was put on antidepressants, a new anti-anxiety medication and sleeping pills. And a suggestion to attend AA meetings.


  1. Oh how I know that pain. You can't really see through the darkness to think clearly. All you want is peace.

    I'm so happy that God (or whomever you look to in times like this) was there to say, "Um yeah...I'm going to need you to get back there and get your shit together."

    You sound like you are so blessed. Try the meetings. Take your meds as subscribed. LIVE.

    Prayers and kind thoughts to you.


  2. I am sorry, I don't want to sound negative, but they sent you home with 3 new drugs when you just od'd???? What on earth were they thinking? Please find a therapist who knows about recovery,and go to the AA meetings . I have been there. I also woke up in a hospital not knowing where I was or how I got there.

  3. AA is a great place to start. I finally realized that nothing in my life was going to get better until alcohol was out of my system. In AA, I found the strength to live without alcohol, and so much more... I found tools for living life, and a fellowship of people to support me who are all trying to do the same thing. Hang in there, IT GETS BETTER. You'll learn about the concept of living one day at a time, and that helps. I have 8 months of sobriety now and counting thanks to AA, and I'm already feeling so much better than I was (so depressed I couldn't get out of bed anymore). Believe me when I say that you're going to be ok. Glad you're still with us.

  4. I kept expecting to read more. Is this the way your story ends??

    I have been sober in AA for many years - a suggestion is not enough. You need to get there and stay if you are truly alcoholic.

  5. Hospitals, institutions and death .... that's how alcoholism ends without recovery. God isn't done with you yet; there are children to love, people to model sobriety to, living to be done. Please come back and tell us more of your story ... join us on the road to happy destiny one day at a time. The power of WE ... you, me and higher power.

  6. please help dying for a drink :(

  7. when dying for a drink may well kill you, make that drink water, lemonade, coffee, orange juice or a piece of toast with peanut butter on it. I know it's hard, Anonymous at 6:54 am on 6-21-13 and yet I have done it and many others have too. If we can, I believe that you too can. Won't you try... go to a meeting, call a friend, click on Booze Free Brigade and let someone help you.

  8. Dear "I Want to Live"-

    Congratulations to reaching out to this amazing group of people. I do hope you will try AA meetings as well. As they say..."let the people in AA love you until you can love yourself". They will. I am 2 months sober and already I can see that life is getting better one day at a time.

    Sending you prayers and love.

    Sober in DC