Monday, June 3, 2013

60 days

***Submitted by Anonymous

So I just stumbled upon this site. I have chosen sobriety because my drinking was becoming a huge problem.

I have no horror story about my drinking, I haven't had trouble with the law, I managed to be a decent teacher, wife and mother!  Decent wasn't good enough anymore!  I have managed 60 days of sobriety and have done most of it on my own with the help of a wonderful counselor.

I have no desire to go to AA  and have no future plans to go even against advice from my counselor.  The only problem is that I really do not have a large support system of people who understand what I am going through. I feel lonely as much of my social life has disappeared even though I have asked my friends to not treat me any differently. I was the social director and planned many outings (mostly promoting ways to drink) and now my phone barely rings.

My husband is supportive mostly but I was so good at hiding my drinking that he still doesn't truly believe that I have a problem.

This site is great and I look forward to reading others posts!

17 comments:

  1. How did you do it? I am struggling. You seem so calm about being sober for 60 days. Any suggestions about how to battle the desire to pour that first drink?

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  2. Congratulations on remaining sober for 60 days and I wish you many more drink-free days ahead! I would love to suggest to you that you reconsider the idea of AA in your life because of those two issues you mentioned: the lack of support and feeling abandoned by your friends. Those were two of the many benefits I found in the rooms of AA. For me, finding a woman's meeting that became my home group provided me with a network of woman who understood exactly how I was feeling and now those woman are my closest friends, including my Sponsor. They know every truth about me and they still love me anyway and yes, I am anonymous and I protect their anonymity as well if you are concerned about that. Working the 12 Steps has given me a life over time in sobriety I never imagined was possible. I no longer have to struggle to keep from drinking, that's not even an issue provided I continue to make the program the foundation of my life. Paraphrasing from the big book of AA, "I wouldn't go back to drinking even if I could," and taking other women through the steps has given my life new meaning and purpose, while allowing me to stay sober for many years. I completely understand how you feel; I didn't want to go to AA either, but I'm grateful every day that I did!

    Before I got sober, I was ready to leave my marriage of many years, allow my son to become a product of a broken home, my work was unfufilling and I was depressed and miserable a lot of the time. The friendships, support and guidance I received in the program changed my life, kept my family intact and I have a whole new group of friends that are sober just like me! Best of luck to you and let us know how we can help you!


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  3. I didn't want to go AA but I did.

    I second what Anonymous said "I would love to suggest to you that you reconsider the idea of AA in your life because of those two issues you mentioned: the lack of support and feeling abandoned by your friends. Those were two of the many benefits I found in the rooms of AA. "

    Those were 2 HUGE issues for me. I'm still a work in progress.

    You are worth it.

    Keep reaching out it will get very lonely if you don't

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  4. I went to AA and my comment is "You're missing out". One can take what they need and leave the rest from AA. My disease tells me immediately I am the ONLY person in the entire whole wide world that is NOT drinking. Working with another and seeing the light come back into their eyes and seeing their lives change by God doing for them what they cannot do for themselves is a miracle to watch, a miracle to participate in. Best wishes, you are worth taking care of yourself, in the way you choose. We'll be here when you need support and if many of us are not here at the moment, we're sitting in the women's mtg in your local AA!

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  5. In all honesty, I've often wished that I'd hid my drinking better than what I did. I got careless about leaving drinks/bottles , in places too easily found. My husband and I would enjoy a bottle of wine with dinner. After our daughter passed away we started going through wine so fast that he suggested we give it up, or cut back. Not me, that is when I started hiding it. It caused the break up of my marriage, and I lost my job of many years. All because of drinking. Outwardly I seemed like I had it all together. What they say about substance abuse is very true, it ruins everything.

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  6. Thanks everybody, I have been reaching out to others but on the Women for Sobriety website. What a wonderful bunch of women. I know that I need to find others that are going through the same thing as me but I have over 60 days now and I do approach it with a moment by moment attitude. So my therapist tells me that I do not express when I am feeling upset so I am trying to do that more and I am going to start here. I feel an immense pressure to join AA here. I do not like that feeling at all and I get that it is a great program and maybe I will relook at my thoughts on that later down the road but right now it is not on my radar. I had a very bad experience with a grief type group and I know that has damaged me on how I think about group programs. I am so glad that AA works for some of you but right now it is not what I want to do. I have a great therapist who brings up AA occasionally and we talk about my resistant to it and even she said the other day that I talked about it more and was seeming less resistant. Please just accept me and my process as I accept yours to belong to AA

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  7. Hi Jo, I respect your feelings about AA. There are other ways to get and stay sober. As you've stated you're seeing a counselor so you've sought support which is great. Have you joined the yahoo or facebook booze free brigade groups? It is an incredible group of people who provide almost instantaneous support when you're in need and post. Definitely, look into the groups if you haven't already.
    Congrats on 60 days!

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  9. Hi Jo. I hear you on the AA thing. It works really well for some people and more power to them. It was not for me. I will have 6 mos sobriety next week and have been able to do that once I gave up on AA. Find whatever works for you.

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  10. Hi Jo,
    I got sober with the women at women for sobriety - I wish more women would look into it, as it is so much more empowering than AA! Do to be pressured to go to AA. I am a magnet for people with troubles, and in AA, every one looking for a person to use found me! For new friends, I take art classes. Lots more fun and lots healthier than meetings every night. WFS is where I still go when I need extra support.
    Best,
    Nancy

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  11. It baffles me how anyone who replied to this original post in support of AA was somehow "pressuring" the writer to go to AA, but only suggesting that it was a possible solution to the lonliness and lack of support she was experiencing. AA is a program of attraction, not promotion and dismissing it outright is contempt prior to investigation. I believe that anyone who cares enough to respond on this forum is supportive of anyone who needs help or can get or stay sober and I find that suggesting that attending AA meetings every night is "unhealthy" and that some of the people in those meetings are "troubled users" insulting. Panning other programs is not helpful, especially to someone new in recovery.

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  12. I have to believe that no matter the avenue to sobriety, my sober sisters want me to stay sober and care about me. May you find the same.

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  13. I too am struggling to stay sober. I was a member of AA for 3 years. and it simply didn't work for me. Too much drama, too much preaching, too many hurtful comments sent me running out of the rooms. I wish you all the best and hope i might be able to string some consecutive sober days together.

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  14. Help me. I'm dying to drink, and I don't want to. God help me.

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  15. Go to http://tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.wordpress.com/ and enter the 100 day challenge. You'll find lots of support from Belle and the rest of us fighting addiction to alcohol.

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  16. If you feel there are people immensely pressuring you to join AA, it's probably because they are. I totally understand, I went to AA for my first year of sobriety. It is something you have to figure out for yourself if it is for you. I found it to be a little too cult-like for my taste. (I am a devout Christian and this has really helped me on my journey.) If you will notice, you can pick out the AA'ers by their language. They all sound like robots spouting off the same slogans. Another commenter said, "I don't even struggle not to drink, provided I make the program the foundation of my life." (Aka, the program IS my life). I have been sober for years now, and I'm proud to say I don't need a program to not drink. I am healthy, happy, and a member of the 85%. ( the percentage of people who eventually stop on their own). Bottom line, find what works for YOU.

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  17. I was forced to go to AA as teen, before I started drinking. I'm 60 days sober now with the Allen Carr book, "Easy way to control drinking". And I have no desire to ever return to AA despite the peer pressure from my 12 step friends. Do what's best for you.

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