I should know by now that falling hurts.
So how did I manage to fall so many times?
The simple answer was, that I don't remember. I'd have blacked out. Who knows what I'd gotten up to or where I'd been. I was 15. I'd managed to hide it from my parents, siblings, friends. The ones who saw me drunk loved how I'd keep up with the boys, drink for drink. But pretty soon just getting drunk wasn't enough, I'd throw in any prescription drugs or non prescription drugs for that matter, if I'm going to tell the story then I best be truthful with myself and tell it all.
I remember those years as school and then drunk. I'd behave throughout the week, then get mothered as I used to put it all weekend. I can't remember my weekends from 15 - 18 years old.
At 18, I went all grown up. Sobered up, got myself a respectful job, a car, a boyfriend and things were pretty good. Most of the time I would 'behave' but then I'd have some pretty big binge drinking blowouts. But it was all in good humor, good fun and I was safe... Right??????
Fast forward to the birth of my first daughter (aged 25) I was the picture perfect mum, doting, loving, sober - and that was a choice I made so I could breastfeed for as long as possible.
I had another daughter 3 and a half years later, again I was loving, doting and sober, in and for the children's best interests.
Once I stopped breast feeding I was allowed to drink again. I wasn't going to hurt the kids but having a wine so it was full steam ahead.
I'd have a social wine - I didn't like wine, so then I moved onto vodka. Well it was like finding an old long lost friend and we got right back into the swing of things.
I went out very few times a year due to the fact that I was a stay-at-home Mom, but when I did..... Well there would always be stories:
Like the time I was staying in a hotel of a casino with my husband. I drunk 2 bottles of wine and quite a few cocktails during the night... He tucked me into bed and went down to catch up with his mates..... I slept a bit but then began throwing up, all over myself and the bed I was in. I can remember thinking to myself - blow it out, you can't swallow it, don't breath it, spit it out.
I gave my husband the worst fright that night, friends came in and stripped me off, changed the bed, made me well. In the morning we met for breakfast with our friends. They knew how ill I'd been but cheered me on for "living to tell the tale".
It was the Christmas work function, an all you can drink, eat and party kinda night.
Luckily for me some of the people at the function center that night were nurses.
I was right into the swing of things, dancing, drinking, shots, dancing and fun fun fun. The room got a bit blurry, so I went to sit down at the table. A few minutes later I was vomiting over everything, everywhere. I became non responsive, my eyeballs rolled to the back of my head, I had my employees holding my head up and hair out of my face/vomit. My ride soon arrived and I left......and was admitted to hospital. The ambulance personnel had to cut me out of my clothes, (with my husbands permission). My breathing was so shallow, heartbeat irregular and to be truthful I don't recall a thing of it at all. I was woken every half hour, given 5 bags of fluids, and allowed a short time to sleep. My husband and children came the next morning to take me home. I had to tell the kids that I'd bumped my head and that was why I was in hospital.
There were many lows to that day, all are scorched into my pride. I swore I would never ever drink like that again.
A week later I took my youngest daughter to see my GP. After we had sorted out her problem (ear infection). He then turned to me, and said that he was going to call me anyway so he'll just say it now..... He had my hospital notes, my blood alcohol level was .53
I should have been dead.
There was no nice way to put it.
Sober I became, till the next time.
I sat at a friends house, I felt like my husband no longer wanted to be with me, he was always out with his mates drinking and having fun. I was stuck at home with the kids, so went to my mates house for a quick drink.
It was a very quick one. It hardly even touched the sides, so we had another, another, another,another, another, another, My kids went to bed at her house, safe, happy and well.
So we had another, another, another, another, another.... Then I went quiet, the room spun and I vomited all over her expensive carpet.
Got undressed and went to have a shower. Hubby climbed into bed to sleep. Three hours later hubby is yelling at me to wake up, I've collapsed in the shower and blocked the plug hole.... So thats another time I could have died through a binge drinking session, and to make things worse I'd flooded my house!!!! I spent the next four hours trying to get the water out of the Carpet. In the end I had to call the insurance company.... Lesson learned, you'd think...
I opened the mail the other week, and there was a beautiful invitation to our friends wedding overseas.... Woohoo I thought. Holiday!!!!!
But then I started thinking, and thinking, and thinking some more. Holiday + relaxing + booze= nearly dead.
And that was when I realized that I can't have a single drink ever again. EVER
That was 1st May, 2013