***Submitted by Anonymous:
Dear Crying Out Now,
It is 4 in the morning and I can't sleep. My husband refuses to talk or look at me. He has always wanted me to reach out to someone and found your blog months ago. Of course, I didn't feel I needed to until now.
I am 45 years old & a stay at home mom for 2 wonderful boys ages 13 & 9. My husband is in sales and travels about 2 weeks every month. We have been married for 12 years.
I have been struggling with alcohol for over 3 years and about 1 1/2 years ago I entered as an outpatient at a rehab center.
I finished the program after 6 months of attending and was doing really good. During that time I was attending AA meetings and I found them to be really depressing. So I never went back because I thought I was strong enough to do this on my own.
Over the past year I have been drinking. I love my husband & children and would do everything & anything I could for them. I love being a wife and mom, but struggle with not feeling like I am good enough. I realize drinking does not help me feel any better about myself and does not help things here at home. So why can't I stop drinking for them?
Two weeks ago my father past away after 6 months of suffering with lung cancer. I knew he wasn't going to get any better.
I know he is no longer suffering and is in a better place. It just really hurts. My Dad wouldn't have wanted to see me ruining my life so why can't I stop for him?
I can't think straight all due to my poor choices. Do you have any advice? I truly don't want to lose my husband or my children!