***Submitted by Anonymous
Today is 3 day sober.
I know I am alcoholic. This is the 2nd time that I
have tried to stop drinking. The first time I went for 29 days without a
single drop (Dec 2012). I am 33 years old, 3 kids (13, 6, and 4) and
married to an amazing husband. I am depressed, crying, feeling
guilty about EVERYTHING, etc.....
The reason I have stopped drinking this time is because I had to work on
St Patrick's day. (I work in a bar/restaurant). Met my coworkers at the
neighboring bar and consume 4 drinks in a 40 min span and went off to
work. During my work hours I continued to do car bombs, etc. I got totally drunk.
Drank more after work and came home to my
family. Monday~ feeling pretty crappy about it I received a text from my
boss telling me he needs to have a meeting with me. I know I am just
going to get a slap on the hand from him, but still.
So this is the end of my drinking story but let me tell you about the beginning. I love to drink....makes me feel powerful.
I started drinking at the age of sixteen. I even was named the "biggest
partier" in my senior year. College was a mess...went to a Christian
College that didn't allow drinking and I did to the point that I am no
longer in contact with any of them. I was there for 2 years.
with drugs and booze nonstop that I failed all of my classes. Jump a few
years that include a horrible ex husband and a kid on my hip. Moved
around the country and finally came back to my home town. Had a little
bit of control until I met my future husband who also loved to
party (until he grew out of it) We got married had two more kids. Had a
great job and then decided to be a stay at home mom full time. Now I
thought it would be okay to have a glass of wine while the kids played
which led to multiple bottles in one day. Fast forward 6 years.
I hide booze from my husband constantly, I start to drink around noon
on some days 2:30 on others. I have had so many black outs since the end
of January. I can drink anything straight out of the bottle and before I
know it the whole bottle is GONE. I even have drank dry sherry to the
I have had conversations with my kids, husband, family,
friend and cannot recall any of the topics that were discussed. I have
read some of the posts on your blog and it all sounds like I have
I put my older brother through rehab and he is back to
drinking again. My whole family drinks to excess except for my mother.
make the dumbest mistakes when I am tanked and the next day the guilt
is horrible. I do not want to go to AA for my own reasons.
to tell someone. Today the guilt is tearing me up.