***Submitted by Anonymous
This is the first time I have written to Crying Out Now; I first want to
say thank you. I have been reading on the site for the last several
weeks, it has been an eye opener and a support as I have struggled with
the long, lingering question of my alcohol use--alcoholic, functioning
alcoholic, binge drinker? At this moment , the label doesn't concern me,
just my need to stop drinking does.
My story is so similar to many of you, wife, mother, professional, full
time job (until a few months ago, now out of work). Volunteer at school,
member of the community, lots of friends, athlete. Began drinking at 15
and never looked back. The high of drinking, the feelings of joy,
freedom, fun was completing addicting to me as a self conscious teen,
one who hid all real feeling and pretended life was great! Alcohol was
the perfect cover. It still is.
I've suffered from depression off and on since my twenties all related
to being victimized as a child. I held it together really well for a
long time (well I thought so) until a couple of years ago. The
depression came back with peri-menopause and with it lots of memories of
trauma. Like the good girl I am, I went back into therapy, it's been a
tough road,,,I found myself drinking every night, started with one
glass of wine during the week, some more on the weekend. A few binges
during the year but I was "fine", covered it all up, nothing out of the
But something has shifted, the two to three glasses per night
turned into a bottle a night a few weeks ago, black outs, being drunk at
home, passing out. Scary.
After reading the site daily for these weeks, I made the decision
yesterday its time to stop. For good, forever. I told my husband last
night, I want to be accountable and honest. I feel I can do it,,but
ugh…I so miss drinking right now..it's the "witching hour" making
dinner, waiting for hubby to come home,,I'd usually be 2 glasses in by
now and feeling the freedom.
I am writing to keep myself from driving to the store to buy wine..I will stay home and power through…thanks for listening.