I drink wine every night. I get box wine so I don't know how much I drink. But I think it's at least a bottle each night.
Half the time I don't remember going to bed. And wake up in my clothes. I'm in yesterday's clothes right now.
I never drink and drive. I don't go to bars. I have a job that I never call in sick to.
But I've been altered in front of my child who is now 12. And I've done things to disappoint my family and me.
When I look in the mirror my eyes are glassy and I have dark circles under my eyes. I don't like what I see.
A couple times a night I drink a lot of water. In the morning I often have 2-3 glasses of water on my nightstand. In the morning I feel slightly dizzy to very dizzy. Most mornings my mind runs like a broken record that I want to not drink. Then by the afternoon I feel ok. Then at the stroke of 5:00 the bar is open.
I try to wait till my husband comes home at 5:30 for my first glass.
My husband drinks too. Similar to me except he can stay awake longer. He cooked our child dinner last night. I've talked to my husband about us both quitting drinking but he doesn't want to. It's working out fine for him.
The thing I really want to hang my hat on at the end of the day is that I am a good mother and am raising my child my very best. Drinking this much does not jibe with this at all. Especially with my child on the verge of teenage-hood, when I started drinking, it would break my heart if I contributed to my child having an alcohol or drug problem.
5 months ago I was sober for 2 days. I had a slight headache but certainly no DT's or anything so I assume I'm not physically addicted. I had a physical 6 months ago and the doctor asked as if speed reading "Do you have any issues, alcoholism-drug addiction-smoking-etc ?" And I of course I said no. Then he went on to talk about taking Calcium and a low dose aspirin etc. I passed the urine sample so I must be within normal limits I guess.
I can't imagine going to AA. How anonymous is going into a room and showing my face? What if later they see me at the grocery store or at a soccer game or at church?
I appreciate this place to ask for help. I think I'm going to need some face-to-face help also to be successful. The idea of me not drinking anymore seems impossible to me. I'll need to quit with alcohol in the house since my husband is not on board with me.
My insurance would cover me going to a therapist/addiction counselor. I made an appointment but cancelled. Do you recommend I go to a therapist/addiction counselor?
So I'd like to ask what you recommend for me as a first step.