***Submitted by Anonymous
A note from Ellie: I received this submission last week, and since that time she has started over again at Day 1 yesterday. I've been there, and I can totally relate to struggling like this - just trying to put some days together. It's so hard, and any words of comfort and advice are so welcome. Thank you.
Sitting here contemplating getting a drink.
For the simple reason it's Friday night and this is my "me" time.
But I've gone 3 days - I know, big deal, but I don't want to fail this time :(
I'm sick of it.
Although my last night of drinking wasn't a rock bottom by any means for me. I'd had 2 glasses of wine, watched the finale of a show and off to bed I went, feeling perfectly fine.
However the Sunday previous to that was one of my typical, I remember up to so much. Being at a friends house for dinner but the next thing remembering taking my jewelery off to go to bed and then waking up is not a good thing.
I mean, it's a 90 minute ride home! Hubby never mentioned it, as usual, but I know he's disappointed in me yet again.
I have the typical questions everyone that has a problem with alcohol has - why can't I just have a couple drinks and be fine with that?
Some days I can, but others I can't, and those are the days I hate.
I figure writing here is helping, lets me see what a mess I've made of things. I looked back on my blogs from last year when I "quit forever" - or at least the 70 days I made it through and I swore it was going to be it then, yet here I am again.............
I can't promise how long this will last, I know I want it to, but I just don't know if I have it in me.