*** Submitted by Anonymous..
I'm an alcoholic.
I celebrated 10 months of sobriety on December 1st.
I have been in treatment 3 times in the last 3 years, and 10 months is the most sobriety I have ever attained.
I am a mother of 2 beautiful daughters (11 and 14 years old). My drinking took me to very dark places. I lost my 17 year marriage and have now lost legal custody of my children. The worst experience I have ever lived through.
However, I have walked through that process sober and that is a true miracle.
I have some physical custody of my girls which is a true gift, I thought I would come home and assume my rightful place as their mom, but I quickly learned that that is something I had to earn.
I am currently struggling deeply. I have not picked up a drink, but walking through life on life's terms is not something I know how to do yet,
What I do know how to do is self medicate myself when I don't want to feel.
My ex husband now has a new girlfriend that my girls are very excited about.
My bond with my daughters is stronger than ever but I am feeling very threatened by this new woman. Less than, shame, guilt and not as good as are all front and center for me again.
Fear is the overwhelming feeling.
Fear of losing my girls to someone who is prettier, skinnier, more fun and certainly not an alcoholic. I'm trying so hard to stay in gratitude but am feeling paralyzed by these feelings. Is this normal?
Should I be able to handle life better at this stage? I've worked so hard to get where I am today both personally and with my daughters.
I'm afraid of losing them to this new woman. I don't want to feel this way.
Can you help me?
I don't want to drink because for me to drink again is certainly signing my own death certificate