Tuesday, November 6, 2012

re·demp·tion


***Submitted by Judy, who blogs at Look Beyond Fault
re·demp·tion
noun

1. an act of redeeming or the state of being redeemed.

2. deliverance; rescue.

3. Theology . deliverance from sin; salvation.

4. atonement for guilt.

5. repurchase, as of something sold

One early morning, I was walking on the beach and I started to pray. I prayed in earnestness. I prayed in pure gratitude. 

I recalled many a time when I had walked on that same beach and had been very intoxicated. No telling who I was drunk chatting with. Friends, enemies, neighbors, poor unsuspecting strangers; probably bothering people as they chilled out on their vacation. A very unsafe prospect, for a single woman living alone.

While I was praying, I also remembered how one day I was feeling worthless and had drunk so much that I suddenly stopped and started experiencing withdrawals. Dangerous withdrawals that led to my losing my natural mind. I threw up all my insides. 

Prior to this, I had been racked by night after night of insomnia. Then I started hallucinating and my world turned deadly. To add to this I started experiencing paranoia. It did not end very well that day. (Details of that horrible day when I feel braver to tell.)

So, back to the the beach. Anyway, I was praying and deeply thanking God for being my redeemer. For delivering me from hell on earth. For rescuing me from myself. I had been repurchased from the clutches of the devil who had me in a tight deadly grip. The devil meant to see to it that I died in alcoholic agony.

I suddenly noticed these footsteps on the sands and I remembered that poem about footprints on the sand. 

It's true when I was too weak to stand up on my own, when I lay there in the E.R bed, half gone with alcohol induced schizophrenia, God favored me. He held me in His arms and loved me back to life. The sight of the single file footsteps on the sand made me cry buckets and buckets of tears. Not tears of sadness or despair but tears of bottomless gratitude.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for salvaging what was left of me and liberating me. 

Thank you for my peace of mind and my clear head today. 

Thank you for my family and friends who have an interest and support me and pray for my sobriety. 

Thank you for the facilities that have treated me and given me reading material and quiet wisdom to carry me along my rocky sober journey. 

Thank you for answering my prayers when I have "cravings" for alcohol. 

Thank you for catching me when I fell (relapsed) and helping me rapidly bounce back to Soberville.

Thank you, that I can actually sit here in quiet solitude, listening to an evening thunderstorm and write without longing for alcohol. 

To twist a Bob Marley song, "Emancipate yourself from alcohol slavery...none but ourselves can free our mind, oh!"

“[No] matter what a waste one has made of one's life, it is ever possible to find some path to redemption, however partial.” 
Charles FrazierCold Mountain

3 comments:

  1. What a beautiful, powerful post. Thank you for sharing!

    XO

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  2. Thank you for this post.
    I confess my drinking and pray....
    Lord I pray today that you free me from alcohol... Please strength my faith in you to completely heal me. I love you and Thank you Lord x

    ReplyDelete