***Submitted by Anonymous
I am very very angry.
I am super angry with my mom because (among many other things I shalt not list) she put all the dishes from the dishwasher away and the cycle was half done.
I am ready to kick the dog for getting under foot.
I have pretty much had it with my husband! He is wearing the same shirt today as he wore yesterday. The nerve!
I have a pain across the middle of my back that feels as though barbed wire has been inserted in my skin.
Anyone who doesn't respond just so, sends me reeling to drown in an ocean of tears.
I am too old for this.
I am 53 truth be told and that is a very adult number. I have attended yoga classes several times a week for many years. I know all the "be in the moment" and "gratitude for what you have" messages.
I have been in therapy for most of my adult life. I have worked through the emotions of anger and rage toward my mother, I have learned in marriage counseling how to communicate intelligently with my husband and I know the dog is completely innocent.
You see I quit drinking wine two weeks ago.
If it weren't for the posts here and information on line, I would be back to drinking.
I don't know when my happy drinking "turned" on me, it was a long and slow decline. But I suspect the "alcoholic" behavior occurred when my older daughter went to college and I went back to work full time to cope with feelings of loss.
Since then, I have quit the full time job, she has graduated from college and is living home.
My younger daughter is now a college sophomore and living away.
I have stopped for weeks, maybe months at a time, but returned to the drinking because I have decided I really don't have a drinking problem. After all, I didn't have the shakes or headaches, didn't need to go to rehab.
OR, because I felt lousy without it (like now) and needed to self medicate.
I feel like medicating. I am uncomfortable and overwhelmed by my ugly feelings. I was drinking a bottle of wine or more most nights and I had my tricks to disguise it.
My yoga friends would never suspect.
I would never tell them about this demon that meditation and asana could not undo. I am waiting to wake up feeling well, for these emotions to pass, and to feel at ease in my body.
I don't want to go back to drinking ever again.
It wasn't fun anymore.
Thank you for all your support. I cannot believe how common this struggle is!