Saturday, October 27, 2012

Drinking and Motherhood - A Mom Wants To Get Sober


***Submitted by Anonymous

I decided this morning that I must make a change in my life before something bad happens.  

I have an awesome husband who would do anything for me and three perfect children who want nothing more than to be with me and I am screwing it all up because I drink way too much.  

I have always loved to drink since college but I would always binge drink.  

When I was doing this with my friends I never thought much about it being a problem, even still when we get together we all drink too much. 

I cut down in my thirties but as soon as I had kids after each one was born I was right back on the booze and with each one it became so much worse.  

Since the last one came along I have steadily become a daily drinker and within the past few months it is quite scary.  

I know my husband knows it is a problem but it is like he doesn't want to say anything to me about it.  I am always scared that I have ruined my health but more importantly my relationship with my kids. 
   
I work out daily, I run marathons, I am involved in all of the kids activities but as soon as we are home safely I start drinking immediately to "cope"  but the weird thing is that all my life I wanted to be married and have kids so now why do I have to drink to "cope"???    

I am stopping today or I am afraid I will not be around to see my kids grow up. 

I just can't do this anymore it is too exhausting to get up each day and face myself in the mirror with shame and guilt and I know my kids know even though they are young.


16 comments:

  1. Good for you! I did that too, just woke up one day and thought, this needs to stop before anything really bad happens. I know I made the right decision, but it's a tough thing to shake... I'm 20 days in and working hard on it. I recommend going to an AA meeting. Just listen for anything that sounds similar or useful to you. Some meetings are uncomfortable, some are ok, but I always come out of one with some useful nuggets to carry with me. Besides attending as many meetings as I have time for (I'm shooting for one a day right now), I started reading AA literature (the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book" is seriously, seriously amazing) and blogs like this one. Good luck to you :-) You're doing the right thing!!!!!

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  2. Yes yes yes ! I hear you! I have a 15 month old, and after she was born my drinking increased greatly, until one morning I woke up and thought " this is NOT the mother I wanted or want to be" I have 3 months, I have had maybe 5 beers during that time, maybe just to SEE and FEEL if I wanted to add it back into my life, and NO even though I think I do. I am such a better. Mother, wife and friend without and not under the influence of alcohol. I truly am happier, it's HARD but easy too. Easier getting
    Up, easier being present, easier facing myself. My
    Self esteem is building etc. I too did yoga, ran, my husbands a trainer, but drank and worked out to work it out, right? I just wanted to say I hear
    You! And will keep checking
    Back....you can do it, if
    I did. Tobi

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  3. If you think you have a problem you probably do. I agree with Kelsey a meeting is a good place to start. I take away at least one thing every time I go.

    This is the 1st time I have stopped drinking. I'm 8 months sober today. Life is different and good and it keeps getting better. Your babies need a Mom who is healthy. You can do it!
    Peggy

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  4. You can do it, have faith in yourself and we will be behind you all the way. Best of luck to you. It can be done and the world turns into an amazingly different place when we see it with sober eyes. You have taken the first and most important step. Congratulations, stay in touch.

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  5. Good for you for reaching out on this blog, it's such a positive step and there are lots of us here to support you. It's so terrifying at the beginning to think of a life without booze, but as the others have said, life DOES get better. I'm 89 days in and i never thought i'd be able to do it. Turns out it was the best gift i could have given myself.
    Good luck to you. You CAN kick the addiction and live an even better life.
    Imogen

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  6. It's never too late to make that change. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have over a year of recovery. I have two children and after each pregnancy, my drinking increased significantly - even though I didn't want it to. The last couple of months I drank, it was scary. Nothing bad happened....but it was going to if I didn't stop. I sought help and knew it had to stop shortly after the blackouts began. This girl wanted no part of that! AA is the best place to start and for me, to stay. Just be open minded and find some people - even just one - that you click with and have some things in common with and you'll be ok as long as you stick with it. You should be proud of yourself - you know you have a problem and are reaching out. You are my hero today. You can do this - and let me tell you - there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Really, all the things you drink to cope with and fear - are really not that scary at all :) Good luck to you, stay the course even if you have a bad day. It will always pass and you'll come out better in the end. Sarah

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  7. I was there too. I'm sober almost two years in order to keep my sons safe. The first few weeks were really rough but since then, it's been easy because I don't have such shame in my life.

    You can do this, one day at a time.

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  8. YUP! that is my story! I felt like I was an impostor in my own. I lived in fear of being right on the edge of losing everything and that it was only a matter of time before I was "found out" and fell in to a bottom I couldn't climb out of. One day, like you, I became exhausted by the fight, the fear, the constant debate in my head. I demonstrated my willingness to go to any length to, this time, make a lasting change, by going to an AA meeting that day. It has been 2 years, 4 months of living life on life's terms without the crutch of alcohol to help me cope. It can be done with the help of a strong support system!

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  9. PS! My kids (2 teen boys)and my husband are REALLY proud of me and I am quite sure my sobriety has provided a powerful role model for them.

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  10. I have decided to stop drinking alcohol for my child’s sake. At first it was hard for me to adjust, but my friends from new parents support group nyc told me that I can do it and think of my baby, these words made me realize to do the right thing, to stop drinking.

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  11. It took my daughter calling me a "drunk" to finally end my years of drinking. I was in such denial....rationalizing and making excuses for "having a glass of wine". Glasses of wine turned into bottles of wine....hiding them around the house....nervous that someone would find them. My daughter, age 16, told her therapist about an incident regarding "my abusive behavior" toward her. The therapist had to call Department of Family Services and a counselor came to the house. WOW! I did, finally admit that I had a big drinking problem. I took responsibility...finally and was really surprised when I didn't become my typical defensive person. So, now I am 62 days sober...go to AA, talk with a sponsor, and live with terrible guilt. I always prided myself on being a "good" mom..During the sober days, I was wonderful, funny, always emotionally present for my daughter. The drunk nights must have been terrible....I don't even remember them....black-outs were common. Now, my daughter is less worried about me....but I will always live with some level of guilt....I hope she doesn't perceive me as a failure. I know she loves me...but can she ever forgive me....thanks for listening

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  12. hi<
    did you stop drinking? I am 5 weeks sober. haven't got to that all day amazing happy to be sober feeling yet, but I do love waking up fresh and not needing to piece together the evening...
    love jj

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