I intended to go to bed early last night when I came across this blog. I was up until midnight, completely riveted by the stories.
Each and every story contained elements of my life as a "Coffee Cup Drunk".
The hidden wine bottles, the shots of vodka, the ridiculous fights with husbands and kids, vodka in the coffee cup, the slow insidious transformation of just a glass or two into full blown 7-days a week drunkenness and on and on. It is oddly comforting to hear from other women, other moms who have driven drunk or forgotten entire evenings at home.
I feel less isolated.
I also feel bolstered by the courage and candidness.
I feel as if I can actually do this.
Three weeks ago, I committed to living sober.
Since then, I have had no more than sporadic 1-2 day stretches of staying sober. It's humiliating, guilt inducing and just plain ridiculous.
Today I begin day 2.
I have realized that I can't leave my house/yard today. Every mundane errand becomes a path to one of the liquor stores on my rotation or now, Whole Foods $3 chardonnay.
$3 chardonnay that tastes decent at Whole Foods. It's not so guilt inducing when that bottle is nestled in with all the fresh organic produce, grass fed meats, and supplements I use to reduce the subsequent hangover.
My husband knows I decided to quit. He has no idea what a struggle it's been or that I haven't been consistently sober since I shared my decision with him.
He's happy to do the grocery shopping for me today. I tell him it's so I can get a bunch of work done in the garden or in the house.
It's really so I don't stroll by the wine department and pick up some cold refreshment for this warm Sunday evening after all I've accomplished today...I'm entitled aren't I?