Sunday, June 10, 2012

Almost Through Day Two - Newly Sober

*** Submitted by Anonymous


It's 6pm on a Sunday night and I have almost made it through my second sober day.  I'm 42 years old and I have two children, age 5 and 7.

I have been drinking since I was 14. I have a drink-free night every six weeks or six months, which I have falsely used to give myself permission to continuing drinking.  I have tried to quit completely in the last year.  Last summer, I told a friend, "If I drink tonight, I am going to put myself in rehab."  She said I didn't have a drinking problem and poured me a glass of wine. A few months ago, I told my husband I wanted to go the week without drinking, and when I got home from work that night, there were six new bottles of wine on the counter. (He doesn't drink that much wine.)

Almost every morning for the past six months, I wake up thinking to myself, "I really need to stop drinking."  But by the end of the work day, I am home again downing another bottle of wine. 
Yesterday morning, I decided that I needed to do this for myself, not for anyone else. 

I put a hair rubber band around my wrist to remind myself of my commitment to myself.  We didn't have any social commitments except kids birthday parties this weekend so I thought it would be pretty straightforward. 

Except when the host of today's party poured me a big glass of wine.  I held the glass of wine with my hand with the rubber band, and didn't have a sip. That was hard. 

I am glad I made it through the party, but I am worried about the week. The rubber band is still on my wrist. 
I would love to wake up in the morning without saying anything like this:

"Was I bad last night?"
"Ugh, why do I bring a glass of wine bed with me?"
"Did I really drink that much gin?"
"Did we stay up for the whole movie?"

Or for goodness sake, I don't ever want to have to check my sent items and texts to see what I was writing, especially to my boss.
I don't want to go to work hungover, barely making it through the day (which is 7 of 10 days).  

I definitely don't want to be hung over giving a presentation to a room full of 400 people.  

I don't want to drink myself through a 7-day beach vacation.

I don't want to eat a cheeseburger and fries and a real coke to feel better.  

I don't want my children to bring me ice for my head when I am laying in bed. 

I don't want the flight attendant to look at me funny when I order my fourth wine. 

I don't to sit on the train, the only one drinking wine on the commuter train, once directly from the bottle because I forgot to ask for a cup (small bottle, but still embarrassing).


220 comments:

  1. 2 days - good for you. I cant even go one. I try and try.
    I also dont want to do any of those things you dont want to do. I find myself doing them all the time. I make a lot - A LOT of excuses every single day, all day sometimes. I am tired of it. I will turn 38 soon. I have a 3 year old son. I am so sick of this. I am proud of you for your 2 days and envious, as well. Please keep at it.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words. I like the note below of one day at a time. This site makes me feel like I am not alone. I will think of you and look forward to hearing about your first day.

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    2. I too feel the exact same way and today I am on day 2. I just do not want to drink anymore. It's ruining my health and my relationships. I isolate myself and spend all of my time either being hungover or think about how fast can I go through my life before I drink again. I'm just trying to take one day at a time. Reading everyone's stories and comments give me hope. Hang in there!

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    3. Tomorrow will be 30 days sober. Very very big for me. I went to a detox for 7days I know without that, I would not be sober today and just starting to enjoy my life. No more lies. no more covering up. No more looking at the clock and waiting for the liquor store to open up. No more driving to a different liquor store every day. I feel free. I started going back to mass. Been away so long I did't even know the prayers. I learning and it feels great. I attend an IOP three times a week (huge help). I attend AA meetings two times a day again huge help. I go to AA meetings right where I grew up and still live. I admitted I am an alcoholic. I don't care who sees me. As long as I am getting the help and support I really need now. God bless all of you and hang in there. It truly gets better each day with pray and support

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    4. I am on my second day today...i'm barely making it through my day at work...I also have a small child she is almost two and the guilt of being a horrible mom is what drives me to drink some days...thinking to myself just one to stop the shakes and anxiety!! I recently separated from my husband due mine and his drinking. I have been sober for months before so I know I can do it but the first week is so hard. I'm so happy I came across this site...reading your stories help me so very much...at least I know I'm not alone...Thanks!!

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    5. I too am on my second day of sobriety. I'm sick of the sleepless nights, trying to put off my first drink until 8 a.m., and the depression. I serious was going to put my car in the garage, leave it running, shut the door and sit with my box of wine until I fell asleep and died. After only one day of sobriety, I was appalled at that idea. Yet today, I'm struggling not to have that first drink. But it's after lunch, and if I can last this long, I can probably do it all day. Everyone's stories are great inspiration. Thanks all!

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    6. Dear friend - no matter how long it takes you to get past day 2 ( and day 2002) no matter what, please hold on. You matter and booze, the toxin that it is, can destort that simple but important fact.

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  2. For years and years I had the same conversations with myself. I will say this, if you are looking for support within your immediate circle of friends, you may surprised that you don't find it. Our drinking patterns our entrenched within us and within our social circles. Most don't understand and those that do typically have someone in their life going through something similar.

    I always suggest an AA meeting to start with. You can always go to one in a neighboring town if you have anonymity issues. Its a safe place to go to meet people who are going through the exact same thing.

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    1. Thank you Kristin. I am hoping to find support online for now. Between this site and my hair rubber band, I am also through day 3. I really appreciate what you say about support - I was surprised not being able to find it through my typical circle of support.

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    2. meant to say "almost" through day 3 :)

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    3. Interesting way to prepare for your own tendencies to revert - the rubber band - good plan! It has been nearly 3.5 years since I have had a glass of wine and it was my drink of choice. I, too, did not want to go through AA for a host of reasons that don't matter to anyone but me, and was lucky enough to find a connection on line that was my lifeline, so to speak.

      Have you see the blog "30 Sleeps"? If you google "how do I quit drinking?" you'll find it...

      The reason the site worked for me was that I was able to write there anytime I had an urge to drink or anytime I needed any sort of companionship that mirrored my own context...and I found often tender responses always. It was my road out.

      Also - just for myself - I needed to stay out of social contexts for several months - said no to anything...I just felt too fragile to experience life without the crutch of being at least one glass of wine left of sober. And it really helped me to just stay as close to home as possible. Not the same for everyone but if you find it's easier to stay closer to the home base of your convictions and real effort to get sober, know that you are not alone and it's really ok to do it that way.

      Best to you - you can do this...it takes courage and grit and more courage...and I found that courage was something that can be built up, like muscles. Just keep moving forward and don't worry about what's being left behind. Plenty of time to ponder all that at a much later date...

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    4. Thank you - I like 30 sleeps. Good reading and good ideas. Got on a plane yesterday (one of my toughest situations). Day 3 down. Working on day 4. :)

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  3. Don't worry about tomorrow, focus on staying sober Today. Tomorrow is to overwhelming.

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    1. Thank you! Such good advice. I am such a planner that it is hard not to think about a long-term plan.

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    2. I dont know about that, sometimes planing can help you look forward to something fun to do, a reward, or avoid a potential situation of temptation, even avoid idol moments of boredom that can lead to a fall.

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  4. You will find that those around you will not encourage you to stay sober. Alcoholics surround themselves with drunks and enablers, purposely or subconsciously. And certain people are drawn to drunks so you may surrounded by them. Everyone's getting something out of you staying drunk. It is very hard or even impossible to change their perception of you or the situation. You can only change you and the quality people in your life will be there through the change. The superficial ones will find another host.

    Kudos to you for focusing on you and making a positive change!


    XO

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    1. Your words really spoke to me - thank you.

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  5. The hair band was a brilliant idea....good thinking! It is so hard to break free of the alcohol dependency, the drinking "habit" and the enablers around you. I do hope you can stay sober for today, because you will be so proud with each morning without questions or guilt. Just know that days 3-7 can be very hard, but just knowing that may help. The benefits of getting through each day sober are enormous. Be kind to yourself and keep your eye on that hair band!

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    1. Thank you! Hair band is still on the wrist. I even went looking for another one when I wanted to put my hair up. Not coming off today (day 3).

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  6. Your story is so much like mine. SO MUCH. You're doing wonderfully! When I told my mom that I quit she said, "If you keep focusing on today, then one day you'll look back and see that it's been a year." She was absolutely right. Stay with each day, find some support, and be gentle with yourself.

    Great work!

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  7. I am so proud of you. So impressed that you held a glass of wine and didn't drink it at the birthday party. You are showing great resolve!! You can do this, with help.

    there IS hope!

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  8. Online support is fine, but a group like AA offers something else, accountability. You will find someone that is a phone call away when the rubber band doesn't work. It is a simple program but it is not easy. Call AA and find a womens meeting to start. I promise we will love you until you learn to love yourself.

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  9. You can do it. We're all here with you.

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  10. As you are now....once was I....

    Quote from someone very close to me, used repeatedly to me during my childhood as a way for me to understand the fatherly advice i received..."as you are now..once was I"...helped me to understand that he knew just what i was going through.

    One day...i hope to look at an alcoholic in the face and say that phrase.... i am not there yet...I am you....i am a successful highly paid executive with two young children and ...an alcoholic...as i write this, my children sing upstairs...laughing...meanwhile, i sit and read stories of heartache and success, triumph and tribulations, all the while...drinking......

    Every day I beg and pray...not today...just not for today... and evening comes...and there's always some cause for celebration...especially when the celebration is a day sober...

    Maybe tomorrow i can say.... As you are now...so am I...Sober!

    Good idea on the rubber band...keep it up!

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    1. Thank you for your note and words of encouragement. I will be thinking about you.

      For me. At home, with two small children and a stay at home dad -- at work, with a team of thirty and enormous pressure to drive revenue with decreased budget. at work, with a bully for a boss. Home, with a few glasses of wine or more to make it all go away. 30 sleeps talked about more productive hours in the day. I don't want more productive hours - I want more time where no one is asking something of me - more time when I don't have to concentrate on anything. I think I drank 12 cups of chamomile tea on day 1. If you can think of anything other than chamomile tea as a ritual, I'm all ears :)

      Hope you are well. Looking forward to hearing of your day 1.

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  11. Congratulations. One day at a time. Keep believing in yourself and do it for the reasons you have in your heart.

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  12. Oh Honey,
    I am you and you are me and we are all together. Just like you, I started drinking at 14 and spent the next 35 years just waiting for the next drink. Just like you, I have had those morning discussions almost verbatim for 35 years. Just like you, my friends and my husband thought they were doing a favor by ignoring my attempts at quitting, they weren't trying to be destructive, they were just trying to reassure me that they loved me no matter what. Just like you, I wasn't ready to seek help from outside sources such as AA, I wasn't strong enough, I was too ashamed, I had lots of reasons that I don't remember anymore and I sought help where I felt comfortable, on the internet.

    I am jealous of you, I am 50 years old and have been sober for 9 months and they have been the most miraculous joy-filled months of my life and if you stay quit right now, you will always have 8 more sober years than I will. I wish I had those years back.

    I did find my sobriety through internet message boards, blogs, and my own blog http://godwalkedintothisbar.blogspot.com/ but through the wisdom of the people I have met on these sites I have lost my fear of reaching out to other sources and will if I feel the need or just want to physically touch or talk to someone that is going through what I am going through. My own friends and husband have been so supportive and I'm pretty sure if they saw me pick up a drink they would trample each other to be the first to knock it out of my hand.

    This life is a good life and it can be yours. Just do it. I, and many others, just like you, will be there to help you. Kary

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  13. Thank God I found you. Reading your posts is like reading something I could have written. I am just starting to become honest with myself I think. Ive had several starts and stops...have been drinking since 13, went to a big drinking all girls private highschool where there were a lot of drugs and alcohol but and a big drinking college. I started a Wine Club for my single girl friends at 28....two of them are in recovery, one for 10 years and one for 3 years. MOst of the remaining few of us SHOULD be in recovery. I have two small boys ages 4 and 8. I hate for them to see me down a botle of wine every night. I never think I am drunk. The next day I feel like ass, read my tweets and FB posts and emails to make sure I didnt say something embarrassing to a client or one of my partners. I keep saying this is no way to live. But I rationalize that I am not like my girl friends who are in recovery who had massive rock bottoms before rehab. But I wonder---could that be coming my way? I am learning that I dont seem to have any power of this. On Monday I was 3 days sober and feeling so superior over my normal weak self. I was goign to yoga, doing a cleanse, went to church...feeling good. MOnday night I had a dinner party for some women who used to work for me. I bought all sorts of sparkling non alcoholic drinks for me to fake that I wasnt drinking. I had wine for them. Surprisingly, two were not drinking because they were training for a run and a third had to drive a long distance. The fourth was drinking. I thought--I will just have a sip to make it look like I am drinking...I will just sip on a glass...like the teetotaler I aspire to be. Knowing that my husband is assuming they are all drinking so he wont be monitoring the bottles leaving the house in the trash can. TWO AND A HALF BOTTLES LATER....I rationalized that my one drinking friend probably drank almost one bottle...maybe 3/4..so that means I drank almost two. I had a big meeting yesterday and had to present a marketing plan to 50 people in an executive board room. It went well but I felt awful. To be honest, I STILL feel hungover today. My husband asked me on Monday night if I had any wine and I said no. I lied to him. I am looking at today and know I can get through tonight without that one glass of wine that inevitably becomes 4. I feel blessed to have found this group. Last week when I realized I had to figure out a way to stop I emailed Stefanie Wilder Taylor adn she suggested this group. She was one woman I coudl relate to but it sounds like there are a lot of us out there. I would love to hear recommendatiosn for more online groups, forums, books, ANYTHING that can keep me strong.

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    1. My blog and most blogs have links to other blogs, you will be able to find several that resonate with you, if not all of them. There are links to several blogs on the right side of this page. Sometimes my biggest problem is finding the time to read and respond to all of the blogs that are out there. Women for Sobriety http://www.womenforsobrietyonline.com/ is an online support group for women and is very active with lots of tools and face-to-face meetings and regularly scheduled chats. MMabsers http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/mmabsers/ is a small but very active message board of members that have chosen to permanently abstain from alcohol, it is a branch off of Moderation Management http://www.moderation.org/ a website that promotes learning moderation. While many people may say there is no such thing as moderation for problem drinkers, many of us have to answer that question for ourselves before we move onto sobriety peqcefully and I am thankful to this organization for reintroducing me to a life without alcohol. These sites do not promote any single recovery method but support members in whatever means they choose.

      These are just a few of the sources out there, there are multitudes of others and you should be able to find one or more that you are comfortable with.

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    2. Hi, I too am so, so happy to have found you and found this site. I am trying to be honest with myself about where I am right now, today. I'm on day 6. So far, I have had many doubts but moments of strength too. Trying to think of it as one day at a time - and sometimes one hour at a time. I'm having a crap day at work, and reminding myself that having drinks tonight will not make work better. I like the Booze free Brigade group on Yahoo - great to read through group postings and this site. I thought Being Sober Sucks was a fun to read - really honest personal perspective.

      Looking forward to hearing more from you.

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  14. I'm doing it! Day four and drinking San pellegrino on a Friday night! I'd usually be starting glass 2 by now. Oh how I wish I was.....but am glad I'm not. Need to remember I will feel good tomorrow and not feel shameful. Listening to my neighbor and her friends out back drinking and having fun.

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  15. Woohoo! You can bet you feel better this morning than your neighbors who are probably wondering why they chose to sacrifice a precious weekend morning (in my case, it would have been the whole weekend) for a few hours of "fun" on Friday night.

    Go enjoy your morning. Plant some flowers, take a walk or bike ride, meet a friend for breakfast...remember, it's up to you to make it worth it. Kary

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  16. Today is an amazing day to be sober.....just today. Thankfully yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn't happened and we only have to live in this one.

    I'm here, will be here to support you if and when you need/want it.

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  17. A friend referred me to this and I am so thankful!! I am on day two of no wine. I work full time with a young daughter and what you wrote summed up exactly how I feel! I thought drinking a bottle of wine a night was OK because I never drove, never drank during the day, never missed work, drank mainly after my daughter was in bed, etc... But, I felt like crap 90% of the time. There are so many nights I don't remember washing my face and brushing my teeth and going to bed, or whole conversations with my husband. Also the checking of sent emails! That is so me! I went to an AA meeting yesterday and we are so not alone! Hang in there!

    Best,
    Another sober mom

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  18. This site is a wonderful place -- to not feel alone, and I feel so supported. It's amazing to me, really. Thank you all.

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  19. I am on day 10 of no alcohol and on my 3rd night of vacation. At 43, it It is my first vacation since I was probably 18 years old where the days and evenings haven't been filled with too much to drink and hangovers. (minus the summer vacation when I was pregnant 10 years ago....) I am enjoying every minute. I don't wake up craving a greasy breakfast to help feel better, and counting down the hours to when a beer might be considered acceptable because, "Hey, I'm on vacation!" I love being sober on vacation! What a concept!

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  20. Wow! I find your posts incredibly inspiration. I am on vacation starting August 1st. Keep going - and please keep posting.

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    1. Hope you are doing well!

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  21. Thank you. I will! I will tell you vacation is especially challenging, I am around others drinking including my husband (he has offered to not, but I don't think that is fair since he doesn't have a problem and isn't a big drinker.) And, last night my friend also trying to quit and having done quite well, broke down and opened a bottle of wine. That was hard. I find just having something in my hand helps - I am mixing non-alcoholic wine with 7up and put it in a wine glass for a mock white wine spritzer. Also doing non alcoholic beer. I am on vacation until July 11 with many more temptations to come. I will post again later and let you know how I am doing. Hope your sobriety is going well!

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  22. 1st 4th of July celebration probably since I was a teenager where I didn't drink. Had a great time, good conversations with good friends that I remember today! Tomorrow will be my 2 weeks of no booze. Feeling great!

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  23. You are me!!!! I felt EVERY word of your story. I am sitting at my desk at work, with tears about to roll down my face, I am not even through one day. I am scared, and feel like I am going to crawl out of my skin. I am glad to have found this site. I am praying for strength.

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  24. Oh my, I love this blog. I am such a raging disaster of a drinker in what I think is a non-obvious way, but I bet is obvious to others. Work suffers, but I can always cover that. I don't drive if I'm drinking, won't drink more than a glass of wine if I'm around nieces/nephews/friends' kids. But beyond that, it is a bottle of wine at LEAST each night. And the after-checks are all me - checking texts, facebook and having vague recollections of conversations that only come back if I am reminded of them. Given how absurdly awful these situations are, I'm baffled as to why I can't stop. I recently went on vacation and of the 5 days I was there (and, of course, drank every day), there was only one day that I (still) think would have been more fun with drinking. But reading all this both makes me feel better and thinking about trying a meeting.

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    1. Hang in there. We're all in this together!

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    2. I just completed day 1!! I also can drink a bottle of wine a day....I feel sooo horrible every mornIng. I am looking forward to tomorrow mornIng!

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    3. Congrats!

      Everyday gets easier. I am 4 weeks sober now!!
      Doesn't it feel great to wake up feeling good?!

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  25. Hi all.I just found this site and think its wonderful.Today is day 2 sober for me.I have been a "DRUNK" for 10 years.I am a 39 year old woman with no kids and work at home,so I have easy access to beer.My husband when I met him 10 years ago was into making homemade beer and wines.Im not a wine drinker but love beer.So it was always at my finger tips.I don't blame him at all as im my own person and is responsible for my own actions.I can start at 9am drinking beer and drink it all day till I go to bed at 9pm.I seen me drink over a dozen beer lots of days in a row.Sunday night I decided to quit.Its not easy at all.Its all I can think about is beer.What makes it even worse is that my husband has a keg set up here so all you have to do is go to the keg and push the button and there it is in your glass.The only thing that is saving me from that is...I don't like homemade beer.The more he made for himself,gave me the excuse to go buy more for myself at the liquor store.God please let me get thru day 2!!

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  26. Hi day 2 for me, love the encouragement and the true stories on this site, we all sound like clones..so similar. I hope I can stick with it, realise I just can't have the one, its ALL or nothing for me. I'm 45 year old male, fit and probably look healthy, but sooo unhappy with myself, and don't want my two kids memory of me to be with a glass of something welded to my hand of an evening, (days seem fine till about 4pm), been drinking since teens but too regular since about 21 smoke some weed too :-( ! NOT ANY MORE THO ! because I am weak but strangely somtimes when I am at my weakest I am at my strongest ? so please God help me for if nothing else I am a fighter.
    best of luck to all, oh and just bought bag of elastic bands ! :-s x

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  27. Hi - this is day 2 for me. My first sober new years eve in over 30 years - been drinking a bottle of wine for at least 5 years every day - have gone worse the last few months as on a weekend can drink 2 bottles and know the damage i am doing. Broke up with my partner at the weekend after getting so drunk I just was totally out of it. It was my wake up call and I knew i had drank my last ever drink - it has controlled me for so long, made me a liar, left me with guilt and embarrassment and taken my money and health. Its next step is to kill me. Thank you for my wake up call because I know the next drink i take will lead to my death. I am tired of living as a wine drug addict - I raise my glass of fizzy water to a sober 2013 and thank God I have another chance. I gave up cigs 12 months ago - this time its the poison liquid. Good luck to us all, how can such a thing have such a hold on your life , so very very evil.

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  28. why is alcohol so evil...in the prohobition era men would drink everyday go out and work and no one was called an alcoholic...I believe it is just like the food in those days....more pure without all of the addictive and harmful ingredients....we take too many unnatural stuff in our body now that affects our mind in an addictive way.....why.....I wish I knew

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  29. Just wanted to say that I am 60 yrs old and have had this conversation so many times. I have stayed sober twice for six months and each time it was my husband who said 'I deserved a drink' or 'how about a nice glass of white wine'.I foolishly believed that it was okay and within a day I was back to drinking a bottle of wine a night plus more if I started early enough. I am now part way through Day 1 and I think I am going to have to go away for a week to avoid the presence of alcohol in my home. My husband does not have an alcohol problem as such. He drinks a fair amount but can stop when he wants, he hasn't the overpowering urge that I have. I asked for his help and he said he would support me but next day I found a winebox in the fridge and ten bottles in the garage. Apparently, the local store was having a wonderful sale! I realize that he needs to be in control and for some reason feels more at ease with me not performing at my best. He is very mean if I make a fool of myself whilst under the influence but is not at all supportive of my attempts to stop. I look back and hate that I have wasted so many years feeling that I was not doing my best. Hopefully, understanding that I need outside help will be the step that puts me on the right road.

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  30. Hello, I have read many of these posts and they are so helpful. It is day 2 for me and the night is almost over. I have drank since I was 12 years old. Everything in my life that has went wrong has came from drinking. I have 2 DUI's and I am only 22 years old. I don't know where my life hit the fan. The weird part is I just finished with my Bachelors Degree. I am a single father. I have a full time job. I can't believe through all the crap ive been through i have been able to maintain a life that most young adults are not able to being sobar. I really want to keep this sobriety up. I just need the help of other fellow addicts. I really want to keep this up because everyone i know that has recovered says their life is so great. Day 3 is tomorrow. I can't wait for another morning of no regrets. My name is Kyle. Thanks for reading

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  31. This is day 2 again for me being sober!!

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  32. Day 3 of being sober. Easily could down a bottle of wine in a night. Most often would make me run to the store for another couple glasses from a second bottle. 57 years old. Been drinking for years. Had a routine blood test that revealed crazy elevated liver enzymes so hopefully i will stay scared straight but my wine seeking will rationalize just about any reason to drink. Breaking the routine of getting off work and either going to wine happy hour (i know them all and they know me) or pouring that glass while i fix dinner is hard!!!!

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  33. Someone said we could all be clones. I am on my day 2. I have realized for the last few months that I couldn't continue with my 2 bottles of wine a night. Just couldn't. Too much of the stuff that was talked about above. It has been 5+ years since I haven't had at least one drink per night. Last night was my first sober night in those 5+ years. I don't know if this is considered cheating or not but I took the wine glass out of the cabinet sliced a lemon put a lemon slice, ice cubes and water in my wine glass. At least for last night it was pretty easy. I'm a little anxious today. I trying one day at a time. I need to do this for myself.

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  34. I am also glad I found this.. I relate to all of you in so many ways.. WAY to many ways.. I have not drank any wine today.. I can go 2 days without a problem and then on day 3 there I am again.,, I am fine if I drink 1 bottle and not fine if I drink 2.. sometimes I get really mean and I yell at everyone including my kids that are 10 and 12 it breaks my heart.. I have to stop this NOW.. before I do more damage to me and my family.. I am also 42..

    Angie

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  35. Wow, what an eye opener. I am also on day 2 of being a nondrinker. I started drinking at age 14 but didn't start daily drinking until I was 18. I'm now 49 and up until 2 days ago I drank 2 bottles of wine a day. One during working hours and one at home. I have been out of control for about 5 years. I've had enough of needing codeine to get me through feeling like crap because of my drinking and then always watching the clock to see if I can start yet or not. Funnily enough I haven't had the desire to take codeine in the last 2 days.
    Good luck to you all and don't forget why you stopped in the first place.

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  36. Hello all, came across this forum in a Google search and great to read all of the posts to remind myself I am not alone in this fight.

    I've been a drinker for 27 years, ever since starting in earnest in college. For many years it was a "social" thing on the weekends and on some evenings, though even then I was in many cases binge drinking. In 2005 it came to a head when I started drinking during the day- from there things spiraled downward quickly, including the loss of my job, friends intervening, and two unsuccessful rounds in a local treatment center. I hit my then-rock bottom when I was found unconscious on my front lawn at midnight on a cold winter night with hypothermia setting in. I almost died. My wonderful sister and her family stepped in- I went to live with them for 6 months, got mental help, went to AA meetings, starting working out at the gym, and things quickly got better. I was feeling great, got a new job, moved to a new city and felt I had hit the reset button.

    That was 5 years ago. It took me less than a month in my new city to start drinking again and I have been drinking ever since. For whatever reason "this time" around I've had no desire to drink during the day, but every night after work it's a 1.5 liter bottle of cheap red wine. I've managed to hold a job and actually do well in it, but mentally and physically I feel crappy. I've isolated myself and made few friends in this new community (solitary drinker). I've gained over 50 pounds.

    I've made a few runs at sobriety but they never seem to last longer than a week. Mentally and spiritually I feel I have access to many tools to help me get and stay sober. I have, for example, had an off and on meditation practice and know that can be a powerful ally for me - to be mindful, in the moment, to help me stay sober. I know where AA meetings are and know how to eat well, drink lots of water, exercise, etc. Over and over again I get up in the morning, ask God/Spirit for guidance, and set out on a path for sobriety.

    Then, 5 o'clock (or so) rolls around and some switch just flips. I've not had enough to eat and have not had enough water. I feel tired, and I am going home to an empty house. I start to feel sorry for myself, get self-centered. And then, the impulse or feeling to stop by the liquor store sets in without any resistance from the "rest of me". It's like the "alcoholic" me ignores all of the tools, mindfulness, and knowledge I have at my fingertips. It all just shuts off so I can drink, for just one more night. It's the most frustrating thing, like my higher self get shoved in a trunk so my alcoholic self can feed its addiction.

    It's all so confounding to me. Here I am, for example, at 9am on a Sunday, feeling hopeful that today, this week, things will be different. I can't think any other way. But this pattern has also repeated itself so many times it's getting very tiring.

    How can I make this time, today, different?

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    1. As you said yourself, you were hungry, low Blood sugar. Keep some delicious & different food in your freezer,something you haven't tried before to look forward to when you get home. Sometimes works for me

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  37. I have just read all of these posts and they are wonderful and heartwarming..
    Over Christmas I finally said the words out loud that I'm an alcoholic... I thought as I am only 24 thats what everyone was doing my age but the thing was it wasn't fun anymore going out. I would prefer to sit in my room on my own as people just got in the way of my drinking...
    I went to my first AA meeting yesterday. It was so inspiring and made me feel like I was not alone or Insane, I thought alcohol was my friend I could always turn too but now I realise it destroyed my soul and every relationship I had.
    Today is my 2nd day sober,, I woke up with a clear head and work was so much easier.
    AA provides a constant support because people need your support as much as you need theirs. The people I met have been amazing and I am off to my next meeting tonight.
    I am determined to get well and its exciting I am going to have a positive future!
    Day by day or hour by hour!

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  38. Day 2 for me, and certainly not my first time at this rodeo. I can go several nights, even a week, without any issues...but then it's like hey, I proved I can do it, I'm an adult, I can do what I want, and obviously I can control it. Several nights later I've proven that I can't. I drink when I'm happy. I drink when I'm sad. I get started then after awhile my brain shuts off and then I wake up with my familiar friend Self Loathing and try to recreate what might have happened. Sending texts when I'm drinking....oh yeah. But I delete them, so I there's no way I can go back and figure out what I say. I have hurt people terribly by sending texts while drinking (evidentially it brings out my mad). I have gone to work reeking from vodka, yet still able to function so hey, it's ok, right.... NOT!!!!! My sister says I'm a functioning alcoholic, but I think I'm actually just bordering on the alcoholic thing. What actually defines that anyhow? I'm approaching sobriety (abstinence?) differently this time. I have set a firm goal (60 days is my first milestone). I'm focusing on recognizing my triggers. I'm reading everything I can to learn tips and tricks to help get through the tough times (one site said eat lots of carbs to replace the sugars in the alcohol and don't let yourself get too hungry). Reading blogs with personal stories is helping a lot. I don't think the AA thing will work for me, but I'm not ruling anything out right now. One day at a time. Anyhow, thanks, everyone, for sharing. I have to figure out this blogging thing (lol) but I guess this is a good start. And I promise, I will pay it forward with whatever I learn and help others gain success beating this for themselves, on their own terms, as well.

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  39. Day 3 , feel much better today. stomach still running a bit. woke up 3 times during the night. but I feel better than yesterday. after reading most of the posts I feel ashamed that I spend so many days in a drunken haze. So much time wasted slowly killing myself with alcohol. for what ? all the stupid things I have done, said. I remind myself of how you feel the next day , after a binge when you wake up , forgetting most of what happened the night before. I will beat this. my name is john, and I am sober on day 3

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  40. It's the end of day 3 for me right now. It sounds like such a stupid thing to be proud of, but after reading all of these stories...I feel better. Even more I got a text from my girlfriends roommate at 230 am yesterday saying she was cheating on me. And she was. We broke up this morning. I'm just finishing a stretch of 13 days of work in a row, off tomorrow for one day only. I chose to pass the liquor store on my way home from Work tonight. Lots of excuses to drink. I usually drink a pint to a fifth a day so I'm feeling the DT's. But I'm sober and in bed now and when I wake up Tomorrow I wont be hungover and I will start another day.

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  41. I'm on day 2 also! After I almost had a heart attack yesterday morning from drinking tequila with my neighbor I got down on my knees and begged for my life have been drinking since I was 30 I'm 42 now my twin sister died of alcoholism at 34 I don't want to die I have a 12 yr old son and he suffers when I'm sick and lay in bed crying.. NO MORE FOR ME I hate it yesterday my face looked horrible like someone bit me up.. Thank you so much for all your help with this one day at a time will be my motivation to stop this decease.

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  42. Wow its like we are all walking the same path im on day 3 I just love wine but hate that it makes me tired grumpy and bloated been drinking for 32 years and surprised I have made it to 44 years old

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  43. Have read so much that I can relate to. .same excuses . I'm not that bad. .just in denial. .then the realisation that I have a problem and feeling so ashamed and alone. .The guilt and self loathing. Have some big events looming up and worried my resolve will slip. .can't go to A A in case recognised. So. Hoping to write here and feel part of a support network.

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  44. Day 1 tomorrow, I'm already scared to death! Please pray for me!

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  45. I am a reluctant poster. Anonymous July 13, I both regrettably and proudly will post with you tomorrow. I promise a long post on the last two years tomorrow. In the hope of finding strength and encouragement for a fresh day. Proud of the hope I have given. Embarrassed and humiliated by where I still find myself. Boys are 7 and 9. :'(

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  46. Day two here and felt as if I wrote that post myself. I'm 36 two children 3 and 6 and have a love affair with fine red wine. I decided to get sober when I found out I was pregnant with our second child (how convenient, since I would never drink during pregnancy) but shortly after her birth the picked up the wine again and sound very much like you.

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  47. Oops wasn't finished typing. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story and I'm grateful to have found this post!

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  48. What a great blog. I'm 55 years old and have been drinking 2 bottles of Chardonnay a day for numerous years. I went to the doctor yesterday for a UTI. When they did a urine test there was sugar in my urine and my blood glucose level was 231. I was diagnosed diabetic. I am as thin as a rail, and diabetes in my fail. I did this to myself by drinking. I am almost through day 2 of being sober. It's strange yet exciting to not have a glass of wine in my hand. Glad I found this blog. It took being scared sober, to make me stop drinking. Glad I found this blog.

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  49. Day 1 AGAIN tomorrow and I'm scared to death!!!! NEED PRAYERS!!!!

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  50. I am similar to you all. Have gone over 28hrs without a drink but cannot sleep. I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

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  51. I'm barely on day 1 too. I've quit before plenty of times. After a few weeks pass.I falloff the wagon and binge. I'm tired of feeling crap in the morning, and waiting for the liquor store to open. I tell myself why do you go over and over detoxing?? The first 3- 4 days are hell for me. It's a nitemare. My brother recorded me the other night drunk at his house. It was so embarrassing... I'm dizzy, nervous Just a big hangover today. I'm giving another chance and stop lying to myself about only having a few beers. That few become 12 beers or 15. and the next day I'm hungover feeling shit again so I back to the store for more beer. It really is insanity. I'm 32 no kids, I want to get off this stuff for good

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  52. So excited. Day 12 no alcohol. It's been at least 5 years since I've gone this long. No visible physical changes yet but not having hangovers is great. Have been a bit anxious and twitchy but it's getting better.

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  53. 50 yo & don't know any other way to live. What will I do w myself? How will I smooth the out the rough spots? Too tired to continue like this. Today is Day 1. Wish me luck. J

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  54. 3rd day sober now. 60 hours since my last drink. I'm taking off work. Will do yard work and drink lots of water. Work is stressful in that it's sometimes boring and I drink to get over the boredom. And I'll do whatever it takes to avoid the temptation of the first drink. Yes, I drank on the job daily. Sometimes my first drink was 7 a.m. Dependency like that is no way to live. Not sure when the suicidal thoughts will abate completely, but they seem to be going away, the further away from my last drink I am. Send good vibes. Not sure Day 3 is any easier than Day 1, it's just that my brain is much clearer and I'm much more aware of the benefit of not drinking. And it's funny ... wife and co-workers have no idea about my daily drinking, or maybe they suspect. I'm quitting simply because I think the alcohol was killing me. Physically, after 3 days, I feel so much better. Emotionally, I'm still struggling. Intellectually, I'm telling myself that I can never drink again (been drinking heavily for nearly 60 years).

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  55. Day 2 - After many tries at stopping, yesterday I decided enough is enough. I've felt very alone dealing with this issue, but obviously trying to stop on my own hasn't worked. I loved reading your posts, so many are exactly what I've been going through, have sent a couple of those embarrassing texts or facebook posts, so horrifying! I'm hoping talking about it with other people will help this time stick. So, here's my story. I'm a 42 year old woman. I had worked up to drinking about 4-5 shots of vodka almost every day. My liver hurts, my face is getting an overall red tone and I've almost really messed up my marriage by picking nasty fights with my husband while drunk and flirting with a friend of his once also while drunk which thank God the friend never told my husband. I drink when making dinner or when doing art (I"m an artist). The buzz puts me in a good mood to face the doldrums of housework and gets my creativity flowing, so I'm going to have to figure out how to not do that. The reason yesterday was hopefully the day is because that night I woke up to find my husband not in the bed. I thought he was up playing video games. But in the morning he came back into the bedroom with his pillow and blanket. I'd forgotten that I got so drunk the previous night that I'd picked a fight with him so bad that he went and slept on the couch. On so many levels, that about sums up the things that terrify me about what alcohol does. So, I'm doing two things I've never done - talking to others about my problem and making a contract with myself. Here's what my contract says:
    " I, __________, have decided to stop drinking alcohol as of today, July 1, 2015. I have chosen this goal because, today, I am afraid of alcohol. I am afraid of the damage it has already caused to my body, marriage, friendships and life, of my inability to stop, and of the potential it has to make things much worse.
    If I don’t stop drinking, I WILL lose the things that I treasure most - the love, admiration and friendship of my husband, the roof over my head and the food that he provides, my memory and ability to think clearly, the healthy functioning of my body, my physical beauty, and the ability and motivation to live life to the fullest.
    If I stop drinking, I will be vibrantly strong, beautiful and active! I will be proud of myself and able to fulfill my life’s purpose. Not one more drink."
    My husband wants me to be able to drink like a normal person like he does (a few on the weekends) but he doesn't understand that what I really need is to not be around alcohol. He loves me (well, not so much after the fight) but isn't supportive in that way, so that's something else I have to deal with. He thinks I should be able to just decide not to drink and refuses to remove his bottle of Scotch in the kitchen when I've asked repeatedly not to have any alcohol in the house. In order not to drink his Scotch and to hide how much I drink, I've been keeping a bottle of vodka in my art studio. Both sides of my family are full of alcoholics. My mother has turned into the family pariah and my dad hates her because of how she acts when she drinks. Very few in the family respect her. I don't want to become her or their dead marriage! Things are still bad between hubby and I since the fight, including him calling me awful names in his sleep last night, walking around through every room of the house and standing over me in the middle of the night (both of those things are things he's never done before and really creepy), and not eating the breakfast I cooked for him this morning. He's so, so angry. I feel so bad what I've put him through. Anyway, it feels good to be finally sharing my story with others. Thank you for sharing all of your stories

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    1. This is me to a tee! I just hit 24 hours without a drink...I have been drinking heavy for years. I am 48 with three beautiful daughters. I am so embarrassed of my situation. I went into rehab this past January for 30 days and vowed to never drink again. Well, that lasted about a day. Before I knew it I was convincing my self that I could drink in moderation. In 9 months time I worked myself back up to a minimum of 10 shots per day of vodka. I don't even get drunk off it anymore. I am very anxious toady and very shaky. I too, have a red tone to my skin and my liver constantly hurts! My husband is an alcoholic as well though he refuses to admit it. It makes things so much harder for me to abstain. I have read so much about the dangers of quitting cold turkey but I can't go back into a rehab. The sheer embarrassment would kill me.I feel like this past 24 hours represent the first day of the rest of my life! I want to quit so bad. Thanks for posting.

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  56. I have been drinking on and off since I was 16. I'm 41 now. I ruined our vacation last week because I got drunk at a dinner theater show. I don't remember the end. My husband asked me what happened the next morning. He said my daughter was sobbing saying I was scaring her at the show. I don't remember. I do however remember drinking several rum and cokes that my husband didn't know about. Why do I keep putting this nasty chemical into my body knowing I am ruining everything? My poor precious daughter. On my wedding day 10 yrs ago I wanted and did go out partying even though my new husband went to bed. I was so drunk. I was drunk when we met as well. Some how he has stayed with me. But not for long if I don't fight this battle. It is just a chemical. I can do this. I can't let the alcohol win. I want my real self back.

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  57. Yep, I as well am on my day 3. I had my last drink Sept 22 2015 11pm. I am now going into my 4th day :) I have been drinking heavily since 14, I am 38 now, with a 16yr old son. I moved 4 yrs ago from my hometown to be with my now husband, we've known eachother since 16). I should've known then, when I moved to Not only leave behind all the bad memories but LEAVE BEHIND THE REASON WHY!... I I didn't make my decision to finally try and stop until this past tues ... I FINALLY am going through boxes ( boxes I haven't touched in 4 yrs!!.). boxes of pictures..omg the amount of photos I have of partys, festivals, blah blah blah every night, every weekend, as I'm going through all of the 14 yrs of photos from the home I left behind .. I think wtf? What a waste of money? All off these damn pictures and all that booze and I'm still throwing it all away, well I threw away 25 lbs of photos, kept about a lb of (mostly my son) memories I wanted to actually try to remember.
    I didn't leave what needed to really stay. What I really needed to address , was the reason I started, (I've quit a few times not on my own,) (jail dui) GUILT GUILT GUILT! For being a horrible, daughter, sister, aunt , mother every aspext af relationship there was i was never fully sober! I never really saw it full scale till the other night, as I was tossing all of those yrs away, looking at dates, at descriptions, what yr, trying to remember what was going on with me then? It was always something...and it followed me to my new home with my new husband to our brand new house!
    In 2 weeks it will be our 1st wed anniversary, at the end of the month our 1st yr in our new home, I went out the other night with a friend and woke up with a broken finger. AGAIN! I know I know wtf? 2 days before our day, I had 3 or many drinks ( that night it was 2/3 bad Juans (little margaritas that pack a huge punch..no one is allowed more than 3) plus after husband went to bed I know I didn't stop I finished off all the beer in the fridge, and then took all my sleep meds (not all of them, but 4 different kind) well somewhere in between that and bed I managed to fall down break my ring finger, I didn't know until I was crying to my husband when he woke up from work to please take my engagement ring off, well it clear off wouldn't go back on! Horrible feeling. Flash forward a yr later, yup AGAIN! So after going through the HUGE life changes I have gone through to get where I am now, where I am supposed to be where I say I AM, yeah I am not where I need to be NOPE NOT YET, but it is now day #4.
    I don't really know where I am with withdrawal, I think I am ok, but with my kinda crazy, I cannot really tell, lol I'm still here, the house my dogs, my husband and my son are all still alive, I have been doing strength training, and cardio, (prior to this) so that is helping along with vitamins, my meds, water, eating better. I feel I start to feel a bit funky between 5-7 tonight my husband was home so after dinner, I rushed out to go clean my car I'm trying to quit smoking starting today friday, (hell since I'm not drinking I'm really not smoking wtheck? ) so 15 mins into 90 I was sweating my ass off! Felt like i was on speed, I felt crazy, but I made it through, I thought to myself tonight, well damn where'd that come from, use that energy constructively and get to work on more baggage that's been in the garage or packed away for 5 yrs in the garage, work on more of me, I can honestly look at myself and say CARRIE, that girl in the photos was a sick sick woman, she didn't know, she does now, You have the support now! You can do this, Time to fix it. Time to make the real HUGE life change. ME, so I can be a better person, not just one that thinks she is when she is drinking.
    I really connected with all of your stories, I've read them all.
    Hi, my name is Carriebonner.

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  60. Hi, this is day 2 im sober having not quit yet as I have some more vodka in my refrigerator. I feel so tired that I can not even walk inside home. No energy for cleaning my house, totally depressed and untidy. I can not distinguish if it is a depression or of being sober...

    Every time I meet a nice guy outside I destroy the night and behave like crazy so I have no any real friends or boyfriend i feel unbearable, like an alcoholic but still do not accept i am really a common alcoholic.

    I have gained 20% extra weight of my total body weight in 8 months. Drink like crazy, eat like crazy, sugar cravings, alcohol cravings both.... Do smoke also even if I am a non-smoker. My one night alcohol menu is;

    7-8 beers, sometimes 3 bottles of wine , sometimes 35 ml vodka. The funniest thing is trying to take milk thistles in order to protect my poor liver..... Some extra multivitamins or things like that...My vision is blurred I will see a doctor and too much afraid because a week ago I was out of the city for one night and again afer drinking too much my vision is doubled and still is the same. I am sure it is of the alcohol but will wait for the doctor appointment.My name is Deren from Turkey....

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  61. I want totally stop from using marijuana.
    And today is my second day being sober from marijuana use. And after i read this post, i was motivated even more to stop using any addicting stuff. I mean thinking about how my future will be, cause im still 21, well, Wish me luck guys.

    Sorry for my bad english... Im indonesian by the way...

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  62. Im at the end of day 2 into day 3 I'm 65 years old and have been drinking since 1999 when my son died I am a secret drinker I hide the bottles and recycling helps to reduce the amount in the rubbish I have managed to alienate all my friends and family my day is empty and I'm practically a recluse but after just two days my mind feels clearer my mood has definitely lifted and I have read the posts on this site they have altered my mind set that I am the only alcoholic trying desperately to stop drinking..... Good look to everyone you all deserve a life xxx

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  63. I'm finishing day 2. My life has revolved around drinking since I was 13 I am now 32. I told myself 31 days of no drinking, exercise daily, read my bible. My co workers gave me a hard time today about it. I'm excited though. If I can do this then I can repair my life.

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  64. Hi I am end day 1 - wine my poison. Giving myself 1 year off - tried for ages to stop for a week or two or stop forever but always give in. Have chosen New Years Day so next year I can identify the year and pat myself on the back. I once managed 3 years but that was 10 years ago !!! Good luck to us all.

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  65. I'm on Day 2. Not really struggling, but I do this all the time. Start to feel good until the next blow out. I few days ago I passed out in my drivers car, he just left me there. I walked a mile in the rain when I woke up. I can't keep doing this. I don't drink everyday, but when I do I can't seem to stop. I really hope this is the end of my drinking. Only time will tell I guess.

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    1. Day 31? I so hope that is true for you today. If not I will post daily in support of us all. So stay strong. We can do this.

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  66. I am just about to go to bed and this my second day sober. Never made it this far in years. I finally had to do something, but couldn't miss work or family. I also have said so many of the same things all of you are saying. I am doing an out patient treatment three evenings a week. Big commitment. I only started yesterday and today it was cancelled because of a snow storm. Didn't think I would make it today without a group meeting, but I did. Let's see how tomorrow goes. How's everyone's day three?

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    1. Please stay strong my friend. I wish you all the best

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  67. I am 49 and on day 4. I drink what I have in my house. I am so tired of feeling awful the next day, every day. I don't want to tell anyone because those who care monitor me, those who don't say I can handle it. I have more energy but mentally I am blue. Every day I have looked forward to my $10 bottle of red wine and I realize that is $300 a month...to feel shitty the next day, every day.

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    1. You as well my friend. Hope it is day 11 for you. RAGE ON!

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  68. Starting Day 2. I'm going out for a late jog, not taking my wallet or money...that's a trigger for me. If I leave the house with money after I'm home from work, I know I'll pick up a six pack on the way back.

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    1. Hoping you are on day 7. Stay strong and RAGE ON!

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  69. Starting day 3 today. Reading all your stories helped me realize how many of us are out there. Stay strong for all of us. I will try to post daily as a way to stay accountable. I'm a 45 year old male. Married with 3 beautiful daughters. I am doing this for me so I can look at my 10 year old angel and never have to tell she doesn't deserve this anymore. She would always say it's OK daddy,I love you.well it's not ok for me to drink 10 beers a night.they are all so precious to me. I have been drunk all of their lives. They don't know any different. At the store they say don't forget your brews daddy.pretry pathetic. I have one thing to say to us all.RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY! LET'S DO THIS PEOPLE. I wish you all the best. Take the 15 bucks and buy yourself something other than poison today.AMEN.

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  70. Day 3 is done. Going to bed sober. Yes!

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  71. Day 3 is done. Going to bed sober. Yes!

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  72. Starting day 4. Feeling out of myself right now. Didn't sleep well last night. Going to a concert tonight in San Francisco which will hopefully end in a sober night.been waiting for a few weeks to go and see g eazy a rapper from Oakland California. Going with wife and daughter. Will be probably first sober show EVER. REMEMBERING THIS SOBRIETY IS FOR ME. Instead of having to GIVE UP ALCOHOL I am trying to look at things As first time doing things SOBER! IF that makes sense as if I'm a newborn baby. Everything here on out is going to be in that mind set. Wishing everyone the best of luck in your journey to freedom without alcohol. Every day is a new day and thank God for every breath I take. I won't take for granted I'm trying to learn from my mistakes. Peace and love to you all. RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY! WITH LOTS OF LOVE. SIGNED BE YOUR BEST. BYE FOR NOW.

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  73. Day 4 ended sober.yes! Starting day 5.

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  74. Day 4 ended sober.yes! Starting day 5.

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  75. Starting again, good morning, on day 3. I was sober for almost a few months. The first week was very rough but, every day it got easier. There is an app that helped me alot, it's called stop drinking app. I cannot remember what it was that made me slip but, less did this!

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  77. Starting again, good morning, on day 3. I was sober for almost a few months. The first week was very rough but, every day it got easier. There is an app that helped me alot, it's called stop drinking app. I cannot remember what it was that made me slip but, lets do this!

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    1. Hey its better to fall and get back on than to give up. RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY. you can do this. Glad someone else posted kinda thought I was the only one. I think I read your initial post.stay golden.day 4 was hard. Jus didn't feel right.but woke up smiling. Shoot now I'm the start of day 5.funny cuz on the second day I just googled "2 days sober" and found this site. Just wanted to see what would pop up.now I'm here to stay and hope day 5 goes well. You CAN Beat this .I'm posting daily just as a diary or something. Jus felt it would be better to actually have to do something each day to make me stay sober.

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  78. Done with day 5. Awesome! HARD as shit. But done.

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  79. Hello all. Late post due to finally being able to get a good night's sleep. It's Saturday at444 p.m.on day 6. So I'm already half way through the day.still waking up. I tossed and turned for about 5 nights. Last night I took a 250mg gel of Valerian root.You can get it at any place that sells vitamins. Rite aid etc. Knocked me outYAY!popped one and laid still. I could feel my fingertips and toes starting to tingle very relaxing. Anyway it works instead ofor zanax. Wanna be natural instead of well prescription crappie that people mostly abuse similar to alcohol. I don't wanna quit one and start another. Starting to feel awake. I have noticed I have laughed genuinely a couple times in the last few days as I am not easily amused . Funny how your body is soooooo powerful on its own to auto revert to its natural way of feeling good. For me this has been a lot harder than I thought but I love a challenge. I must say I am feeling good about this. Oh check this video out on utube his name is YELAWOLF and the song is Till it's gone.another good song is BEST FRIEND. GOOD ASS AMERICAN person. I'm doing this for real.I have no other choice either die young or quit alcohol PERIOD! !!!!!!!!!. So I SAY RAGE RAGE RAGE INTO THE VERY BRIGHT FLAME OF SOBRIETY .IT BURNS BUT EVERYDAY LIFE GETS BRIGHTER. Peace and love to all of you. Stay gold ponyboy stay true to YOU!

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  80. Day 8 is half over. Didn't sleep very well because it's seems my brain doesn't want to shut off. I am feeling better with each and every day. I can't believe it is already the 8th day.I am doing this for me and I will succeed. I have no other choice. This is the path to TRUE FREEDOM. If I can stress one thing about this sobriety thing it would be that you have to really really really want to stop drinking. If you want to change your life for the better then don't play games with yourself. You have to deal with the physical and emotional effects of not having it in your system. Yes it sucks and you will feel sad and depressed for moments at a time but these pass and get a little better each day. My wife and I had a real adult conversation last night and really enjoyed it. Laughing and crying. But it wasn't alcohol induced is the point here.soooooo don't half step the process. Treat yourself as a newborn baby. Cuz basically that is what you are when you decide to quit. You are very fragile vulnerable pissy shitty uncomfortable sad angry undecided and the list goes on. Although I am painting a story of sheer horror the bottom line is that it is the true description of what I am dealing with. That is why I say that you really want to WANT THIS for yourself. Reason being that you are the only person who can make the decision to not drink. Don't want to sound preachy but if it sounds like I'm pointing at you I am pointing three back at me. Go ahead and point. See the 3 pointing back at you. Anyway RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY AND CONQUER YOUR FEAR OF LIFE WITHOUT ALCOHOL. AMEN PEACE and LOVE TO ALL OF YOU. SIGNED BE YOUR BEST.

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  81. Starting day nine. Feeling real well today. Body feels like it's healing. Been eating healthy which is good. Be your best
    All day today. Just today

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  82. Day 10.wow it seems as it has been an eternity. Funny how time slows way down to a crawl when you are counting days of sobriety or say paying off a debt. Otherwise time seems to fly by. I must stress to love yourself during this process. EAT HEALTHY for the healing of damage done to your body. I find a frozen berry smoothies to be a nice treat at night. It's COLD and healthy and tastes great. Snap peas are also a good clean snack with a little ranch dressing to dip them in. Kale shredded salad is also great for cleansing out your body. Found that sparkling water is awesome. Pelligrino or perrier are what I'm drinking. Used to think they were too expensive but compared to alcohol they are fairly cheap. Plus you must treat yourself to something and it is also changing a habit. This should get everyones attention. ........I AM LOSING WEIGHT. Yes which makes sense. Less calories from the beer followed by healthy eating. I haven't really exercised yet other than getting caught up on laundry and mowing the lawn. I am eyeing my elliptical in the garage. Once I start that then I know IT IS ON!!!!!!!!! BUT for now I want to cleanse,rest and just take things real slow. I know it is hard people but stay strong.oh and don't forget to keep a smile on your face even if you are feeling depressed or angry. Treat other people nice also. Read name tags on people's uniforms and start greeting them with their name and say thank you to them by their name. It's awkward at first cuz you really don't know them but if you keep doing it, you will find out that it will make their day and I guarantee you that you will get better service. But be genuine about it.don't be fake. Just be nice to people and people will be nice back. Well how about that. Reinvent yourself. Stay positive. .......feel positive. Eat good splurge on good food for your reward right now. We'll always but especially now. I am rooting for all of us. Every sober day is worth more than 10 drunk ones. Keep yourself accountable by writing in a journal or a blog. It will keep you busy also and will be fun to look at your progress. Just for today. Just for today. I feel good being sober. RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY RAGE RAGE RAGE. BE STRONG AND LOVE YOURSELF! UNTIL NEXT TIME. BE YOUR BEST. PEACE AND LOVE.

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    1. Yes the weight loss, by not drinking is insane, I lost 17 lbs in a month, clean eating weight training at home for an hr a day.

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  83. I am so happy for you ^^ you're doing a great job, learning how to sleep again and the urge to drink at 5 or whenever your norm is, very effn hard! But sounds like you're raging on dude! Valerian root works well for sleep if you don't have other issues that keep you awake. I'm happy to see you have a support system (wife) like I said my first week was hell, and i this past time only lasted 3 days, it's hard, my plate is overflowing with $/!#, I will try to revisit this plan in a few days, I'm not giving an excuse and actually my $&>\, I'm just suprised I haven't offed myself, I am broken. Peace and love.

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  84. Hey thanks for the positive comment.much appreciation. Just start over at day 1. NBD. The fact that you are even visiting this site means you are aware of the problem you have with it. YOU CAN CAN CAN DO THIS. if I can help support someone then all this writing is worth it. Whatever you do......Please don't hurt yourself. I'm still posting daily so stay strong and just start over. Thanks again. For the support. Yeah my wife is a rock and very happy about this. Just remember it's just for today. Stay sober just for today. Ok. Ok. Peace out.

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  85. Starting day 11. My body is feeling so awake right now. Brain on overdrive. I'm lying in bed thinking of all the crappie I can do now. Like drive anywhere at anytime without worrying about if I've been drinking. All the crappie. ......funny. lol. So yes the days Add up quickly but seem like eternity. I am so much happier though. I am feeling good and much happier person and that's only 10 days so far. Can't imagine what it will be like a month from now. STAY STRONG FOR YOU. RAGE ON MY FRIENDS. PEACE AND LOVE. SIGNED BE YOUR BEST.

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  86. Made it through 11 onto 12. Up early. Not sure why but I was cringing for a brew so bad yesterday. Today is a new day so that's in the past and I know that that is going to happen. I have a cold too. That was irritating me so that's why I think I was cringing for that beer. Hoping all goes well today. I am just happy about going 11 days so far. So just for today I will do my best at being my best. RAGE ON PEOPLE. YOU CAN BEAT THIS. YOU JUST GOTTA WANT IT BAD. PEACE AND LOVE TO YOU ALL. SIGNED BE YOUR BEST!

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  87. 16 days.yay! Feeling awesome. Getting so much accomplished sober.brain at about 90 percent wide awake. If you are trying to quit, all I have to say is that sobriety is awesome. To describe it in a couple of words I would say FINALLY BACK AT THE WHEEL AND IN CONTROL.what an awesome healthy feeling. Just do it for you.TODAY. START TODAY. STICK WITH IT AND I GUARANTEE YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID.TRUST ME.

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  88. Day 2 complete!!! 47 with 4 kids. I hide my drinking and csn drnk a box in 3 nights. I can workout teach and do all normal things but as soon as 6 comes around the devil comes out!.

    I have a great life but it would br much better without the red wine... I dont even get hangovers and csn run 3 miles daily... The lying the not being the best mom i could be has taken a toll its ti e to stop 20 yrs of this im tired of all the lies

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  89. Day 3 hitting the gym. Hoping I can make another day Prayers for all

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  90. Day 4 feeling good and its 437pm poop is light green tmi but wow

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  91. Day 5 going strong..

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    1. Good job. Just stay true to yourself. Things will get tough but always remember that tough times don't last but tough people do. So RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY RAGE RAGE RAGE!

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    2. Good job. Just stay true to yourself. Things will get tough but always remember that tough times don't last but tough people do. So RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY RAGE RAGE RAGE!

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  92. Lost count of sober days.guess it doesn't matter if I never want to drink again. It was the Monday after the super bowl. Been at least 3 weeks.yay. good job to you people quitting. Starve those demons to death. Yes I have had moments of perfect drinking times but know better now that it's just the devil trying his best at making me crack. Not gonna happen. RAGE ON PEOPLE. SOBRIETY IS AWESOME. PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU.

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  93. Hang in there. I have been following this thread because my 22 year old son is struggling with alcohol addiction. Believe. You can do this.

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    1. Hello Craig. I was wondering how your son was doing. It's good to follow up and let out your thoughts. I hope he is doing good. There is no judging here. Only support.today will be 75 for me.I too have young kids. You are a great dad for caring. Anyway fill me in as that was the age when I really dove in and found alcohol to sooth my daily stresses. There is a reason he is drinking. Some reason to kill some pain he is dealing with inside.if you find it then you find the cure. It could be one or many things bothering him.feel free to write me as I'm using this sight as my way of accountability for myself and also encourage others. Hang in there craig. If possible tell him to join this blog. We are all pretty cool here and non judgemental whatsoever. Thanks.signed BE YOUR BEST.

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  94. Almost drank last night. Just fucking lost it. I was in a shitty mood.I'm in the middle of packing to move. Just compounding issues came to a head. I think I would have if it weren't midnight. I would have I really think if I didn't have to go drive to the store,deal with the people in line and drive back home. If I had a 12 pack in front of me I would no doubt have cracked and blown almost 30 something days. Just like that. But......I didn't do it. I laid in bed contemplating till just after 2. Shoot I even looked up when I could buy alcohol again. It turned out to be 6 a.m. that passed and I'm still sober. AMEN PEACE and LOVE TO ALL. Stay tuned for more love.be your best.

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  95. stay stong! I know it's hard, you can do it.

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  96. stay stong! I know it's hard, you can do it.

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    1. Thanks carrie I'm at 60 days today. Rock on.

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  97. Starting day 1... I'm like most people in post 49 and can down two bottles of wine a night. Kids work commute used them all to wait for six pm or judge Judy which ever comes first. To top it all off had weight lost surgery and drank and ate all the weight back. Just tired off alka selcer to get my head right. Wine can not be my medicine anymore. Gonna make today. Keep u posted! Please respond I need every encouraging word.

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    1. Stay strong. I'm at 60 days now. But I was at day 1 just like you. You can do it. But do it for now one but yourself. Do it for you, and you will be proud of you. The rest will follow suit. AMEN PEACE and LOVE TO ALL. RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY! AMEN.

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  98. Day two; today, for me; too. 1.5 liters of King's Bay every day and a half. My head is screaming and my body is so tense, I feel I'm gonna pop...I just don't want to anymore...

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  99. Replies
    1. Carrie how many days are you at. You have been a great support for me and others. Rock on girl! Remember you are in charge, not the alcohol. Late.

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    2. lol, I didn't see this comment until now, the 13th was my first night.

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    3. lol, I didn't see this comment until now, the 13th was my first night.

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  100. At 64 days now. Time Flys when ur having fun again. Must be honest though lately I've been cringing soooooo bad at times lately. My two younger daughters are totally against anything I say about or joke about getting a sixer. They get seriously passed if I even mention the word brew. Gosh I'm afraid they would beat the crap outta me. They are great little motivators. 11 AND 13.even after all this time that's past there are just those moments when ya just wanna say the hell with it, but they pass. If this happens to you is go take a hot shower followed by a nice treat. Milkduds are awesome. Sparkling water is great to. Jus slam it till it burns your throat. Anyway PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU AND RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY LOVE BE YOUR BEST AMEN. P.S. RAPPER YELAWOLF ROCKS! SLUMERICAN 4 EVER.

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  101. 72 days sober yay! Amazing. People who want to really quit,do it for yourself and nobody else. Beat that demon to death.picture CEO'S of liquor companies laughing at you. Tell them to Fuck Off inside your head or even outloud. They live lavish lives while you live in pain and suffering. Don't let them get the best of you. Goodnight and RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY. PEACE AND LOVE TO YOU ALL. AMEN.

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  102. 72 days! woohoo! congrats! I have now made it to day 7, feeling good, exercising, yoga, etc. the first 3 days are hell, but I made it! whoop whoop!

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  103. 72 days! woohoo! congrats! I have now made it to day 7, feeling good, exercising, yoga, etc. the first 3 days are hell, but I made it! whoop whoop!

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  104. It gets better every day. You can do this. Great job. Proud of you for getting back up and starting over. Thanks for All you encouragement. It has helped me more than you know. I also hope that mine helps you. BTW my name is Todd if you've ever wondered. Not trying to flirt or anything like that. Just thought I'd tell you since you have helped me along on this journey of mine. RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY MY FRIEND.

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  105. thanks todd, (btw I know you aren't) I think I made it 37 days back in the middle of sept, drama with my son is what finally broke me. I was drinking every single night for the past 6 months, and i only drank at home. I have my husband for support. I thank him for being home with me for my first 3 days.I'm sleeping better,my crazy meds (that I should not have ever been drinking on, could've killed me!) are working the right way again. I wake up no later than 830, instead of noon. I can get my stuff done.I know I can do this! I have not had the chance to be around alcohol so, that helps. I think I will be ok. 😄

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  106. thanks todd, (btw I know you aren't) I think I made it 37 days back in the middle of sept, drama with my son is what finally broke me. I was drinking every single night for the past 6 months, and i only drank at home. I have my husband for support. I thank him for being home with me for my first 3 days.I'm sleeping better,my crazy meds (that I should not have ever been drinking on, could've killed me!) are working the right way again. I wake up no later than 830, instead of noon. I can get my stuff done.I know I can do this! I have not had the chance to be around alcohol so, that helps. I think I will be ok. 😄

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  107. That's good I just wanted to be clear on that. That is awesome what a wonderful man. I also take lexapro for my head and I too could have died. I have way too much to live for. I'm glad that there are other people out there that can be brutally honest. I am very happy for you. You are doing great as you know you have gone a long time without it before.you can do it. Do it for you. I am at oh not sure 72 days now. I started the day after the super bowl February 8th.ANYWAY thanks for your support and as I always say as I am a rocker dad RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY! LET'S DO THIS PEOPLE!

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  108. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  109. 74 days sober. And love it. I know there will be times when I think that I may slip but I know that starting over would suck and would feel ashamed of myself. I am doing this for me. I need to do this for me.I am the one that got me into this and I and only i can get me out.if you are only on your first day of sobriety that is a fine place to start and ok. The days may seem long and boring but I can tell you that your life will be brighter with every day. Stick with it and reap the rewards of smiling for real. Laughing for real and just living for real. Do it for you and only you. It's too easy to break if you say that you are doing it for anyone other than yourself. PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU. SIGNED BE YOUR BEST.

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  110. Starting day 76.it's a Saturday. Building picket fence for the family of 3 chickens. Sun is out.gonna be a great day.

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  111. Day 77 yes! Awesome possum haha.yay.rock on. RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY RAGE RAGE RAGE PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU.

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  112. 83 days peeps. You keep at it beat it like it owes ya money. Life is great without alcohol. Every day is better than the last. Stick with it and reap the rewards of smiling every day for real. No more hangovers.it's awesome. Face is clear.laundry done. House in order. All around. ...a good time. So let's RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY RAGE RAGE RAGE PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU.

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  113. 84 days sober. Sun is out. Bbq fired up. Life is good. STAY SOBER JUST FOR YOU TODAY! Be greatfully for what you have. Count your many blessings. Name them one by one. Look to the sky and be happy you can see. Listen to what's going on around you. Be happy you can hear. TAKE a walk. Be happy you can WALK. LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND BE HAPPY YOU THAT YOU ARE ALIVE. you have it better than a lot of people. SO I SAY RAGE RAGE RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY RAGE PEOPLE. PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU. SIGNED BE YOUR BESTFRIEND.

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  114. 84 days wow! way to go dude! it's crazy how much things change eh? I'm starting day 20 monday, seems like it has been longer. keep on kicking ass!

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  115. 84 days wow! way to go dude! it's crazy how much things change eh? I'm starting day 20 monday, seems like it has been longer. keep on kicking ass!

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    1. Way to go bruh. Haha. Day 20. Excellent! They do seem like forever to go by, but look......Carrie you are doing it. Great job girl. Keep it up. They just add up day after sober day. You can do it. Just for you. Way to stick with it. AWESOME APPLE!

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  116. so I had a slight panic attack last night, husband and I went to dinner Mexican style, had just finished telling him otw there that a friend of mine tried to get me to go have a couple of drinks with her, sat and then yesterday, told him that I declined, we get there and he ordered a margarita, he gave me no heads up, the waiter brought it to the table and I felt like I couldn't breath, couldn't focus on the menu, forgot wtf I was even hungry for. it threw me for a loop, I told him he could've given me a heads up, so I could've been prepared and not spaz. but, I was not tempted. yay me!

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  117. Finishing day 2.
    I also just googled "2 days sober".
    Glad to have found this.

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    1. welcome! I know it's hard. but the first 72 hrs are brutal, only then has your body dumped all the alcohol. it's going to be hard to sleep, eat, think,you'll probably feel like you aren't dark from a psychotic break. JUST KEEP SWIMMING! KEEP GOING, THINK POSITIVE and you can push through this. keep posting, I always get notifications on new posts, I think TODD up ^^ there does too. ( Mr. be your best) I'm here.

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    2. welcome! I know it's hard. but the first 72 hrs are brutal, only then has your body dumped all the alcohol. it's going to be hard to sleep, eat, think,you'll probably feel like you aren't dark from a psychotic break. JUST KEEP SWIMMING! KEEP GOING, THINK POSITIVE and you can push through this. keep posting, I always get notifications on new posts, I think TODD up ^^ there does too. ( Mr. be your best) I'm here.

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    3. That's so good that you were able to be stronger than the temptation. Your at what day 23 today? Stay strong and think like I'm fucking way better than that alcohol! No offense to your husband. People should be able to do whatever around you.it's just life. And we as in everyone need to learn to cope with reality sober. I could never drink 1 beer. It was none or 12. It's a sad I have an addictive personality. Period whatever I do I'm totally into it or just simply put...not at all. Weird. Anyhow day 86.wahoo. Rock on and RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY RAGE RAGE RAGE. .PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU. SIGNED BE YOUR BESTFRIEND.

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    4. starting day 23 on Thurs, I like you can't just have 1 beer, shot, glass of wine etc... :( time to kick some ass!

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  118. Finishing up day 3.
    The urges haven't been too terrible yet, but I have left the house except to go to work.
    I feel like I'm in hiding. Not wanting to face temptation or the triggers that are out there or maybe, not being sure how to function at this time of day sober. ???
    I haven't really told anyone I'm quitting drinking (but I haven't seen anyone), but I'm sure my wife and 3 children have figured somethings up. I couldn't tell you the last night they have seen me sober much less 3 in a row.
    Sleeping has been a struggle. I did notice this morning that I didn't get up with that fog around my brain. It is nice not to have to try and remember what I did or said the previous night.
    I do feel vulnerable and somewhat scared much of the time, but my resolve is still strong.
    Looking forward to sober day 4!!!

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    1. you're doing great, some advice tell your wife, she should know. when I first tried back in September I didn't tell my husband and by day 3 at my beer 30 time I was going batshit crazy and he couldn't help or quite understand why.This time around its much easier. your sleep will get better, I know it's hard but, try melatonin, or valerian root...idk what state you live in(I use meiier,they sell BOGO free or BOGO 1/2 off) but a few big box stores along with pharmacies carry them. try and fit some form of exercise in whatever you can think of get yourself moving, it helps keep your mind off of wanting to drink at your trigger time. exercise also helps maintain serotonin and raises endorphins which help reduce stress,help ward off anxiety and depression, boost self esteem and improve sleep. try that, and dude hooray!! DAY 4 STARTS TOMORROW! :)

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  119. Thanks for the encouragement and advice Carrie. Keep rockin it, you are almost a month!
    Almost done with day 4. Hardest day yet, but manageable. My first sober weekend in many, many years is coming up. I wish I could work 7 days a week.
    For my next trick...I am now going to attempt to cut the grass sober!!!

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    1. Don't give in. It gets easier day by day. After a while you won't have the physical need. The real battles start when you get passed physical dependancy and psychological shit happens.the brain will fuck with you in vulnerable situations. I.e. shitty day at work. Fight with spouse. Little shit too can't find ur phone and all of a sudden u turn in tasmanian devil.bottom line.......be on guard all the time. I'm at 88 days and blog regularly. I almost fucked up a good run around 35 days sixty days. I don't feel like I'm cringing for beer daily it's just those perfect fuck ed moments when you say dam if I could just drink I would feel better. That's ur brain trying to mind screw you into drinking. Dude I was you 83 days ago.it's possible. Trust me I could kill a twelve pack of lagunitas IPA NO PROBLEM. SO I'm proof that you can do this. Do it for you and only you. Peace my brutha!

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    2. yup, same here 12 packs of (hell even 90min) Ipa's a night jeesh! :I

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  120. lol, cut the grass sober, sounds like a good challenge, I couldn't imagine cutting grass tore up?. for you DAY 5 TOMORROW. for me start of day 23, booo Mexican beer drinking is today, oh well I just saved 20$ ( every night for me was/is a drinking night.:( ) see you on here tomorrow!

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    1. Duh.....dumb blonde thing forgot Cinco de mayo. Oh well made it past it gracious!

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  121. Good support to dude. Mexican beer night? Curious what nationality were the other six nights...German American Jamaican Canadian hahahA.jk.ur getting close to the 37 day mark.stay strong cuz a lot can fuck with ur brain in the next 15 days.day 88 yay. I still have those moments when all he'll breaks lose and I have to fight that BRAIN of mine. Brains will do their best justification to try to get you to drink.don't you let it do it. Tell your brain not today sucker. I know you're feigning for that feeling but sorry sucker. Love you and all but ur starving tonight. Haha RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY PEOPLE RAGE ON.PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU.

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  122. 91 days today. Yay. No time for paragraph tonight. But happy mothers day to all of you moms out there. Have a great Monday. PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU AND RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY.

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  123. Starting day 8.
    Made it through the weekend!!!
    Thought about Todd's comment a lot Sat. And Sun.
    I kept thinking "I could just have 1 or 2..."
    Past history says that is not true.
    Thanks Todd and Carrie for your posts.

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    1. So glad you made it. So proud of you. You can do anything you want if you really want it. It makes me soooooo happy to know that what I have written has encouraged you. Carrie helped me too all through this battle. She's cool and supportive. Stay strong. It's worth it. I promise you that you will be proud of you day after sober day. Love your self.soooooo proud of you.man that made my day. I'm 92 days but always on gaurd. You just have to be or your brain will start telling you why it will be okay to drink. Don't you let it mindscrew you.PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU BE YOUR BESTFRIEND.

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    2. 27th day down!! I wall admit this shit isn't easy in the slightest! here latley, I am being tested,juvenile PO's, treatment center, courts, CPS, BOOLSHIT BOOLSHIT BOOLSHIT! I really don't want to drink, I just want to numb the pain, I've been trying my best to keep myself, mind, hands busy. there is a 6xr in my fridge right now, yet I don't even think twice, I just know I'll regret the eff out of it tomorrow hungover, full of regerts ;) and I would've thrown away all my progress. so yup that's where I'm at right now.
      Todd! Dude 8 more days till 100! FTW!
      @ don't give in, you made it through your 1st weeked! now let's look forward to next! If the weather is nice plan on some thing to do that doesn't involve alcohol, outdoors! get some vitamin D, :)
      THANKS YOU GUYS FOR THE SUPPORT!
      much love, cya tomorrow!

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    3. 27th day down!! I wall admit this shit isn't easy in the slightest! here latley, I am being tested,juvenile PO's, treatment center, courts, CPS, BOOLSHIT BOOLSHIT BOOLSHIT! I really don't want to drink, I just want to numb the pain, I've been trying my best to keep myself, mind, hands busy. there is a 6xr in my fridge right now, yet I don't even think twice, I just know I'll regret the eff out of it tomorrow hungover, full of regerts ;) and I would've thrown away all my progress. so yup that's where I'm at right now.
      Todd! Dude 8 more days till 100! FTW!
      @ don't give in, you made it through your 1st weeked! now let's look forward to next! If the weather is nice plan on some thing to do that doesn't involve alcohol, outdoors! get some vitamin D, :)
      THANKS YOU GUYS FOR THE SUPPORT!
      much love, cya tomorrow!

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    4. Thanks Carrie your doing great girl.but but but may I ask why you have the greatest temptation of your life so readily accessible. Remember my shitty 30th day where I almost said fuck it and said if I had brews I would have drank them.Carrie I don't want or intend to preach to you but you have to make it hard to access alcohol or you are almost guaranteeing your good run to be over. I'm so proud of you and want you to succeed. Please you have inspired me. Pour that shit out. Ok no more preaching. You are better than that. 96 days now.hooray stay strong both of you. PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU.

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    5. @ 30 days :) honestly Todd that 6er in the fridge doesn't temp my one bit, to me it's nothing but a bunch of cans. I know they are there, actually I forget they are in there, I just don't let it get to me. I don't drink anymore.(plus they aren't mine, I didn't purchase them, if that makes any sense.) I have no reaction when I see them. The fudge filled chocolate cupcakes have a death sentence though... lmfao! also not touching those either. ;please
      96 days..hell yeah dude!
      haven't seen any posts from "don't give in" that makes me sad :(

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    6. @ 30 days :) honestly Todd that 6er in the fridge doesn't temp my one bit, to me it's nothing but a bunch of cans. I know they are there, actually I forget they are in there, I just don't let it get to me. I don't drink anymore.(plus they aren't mine, I didn't purchase them, if that makes any sense.) I have no reaction when I see them. The fudge filled chocolate cupcakes have a death sentence though... lmfao! also not touching those either. ;please
      96 days..hell yeah dude!
      haven't seen any posts from "don't give in" that makes me sad :(

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  124. Day 96. Too tired to write too much. Good job on not touching the 6er. Hopefully don't give in gave in. And if you are reading this no judging here. I have fallen so many times. Don't feel guilty or you let us down. Just get up dust yourself off and get back on the horse and start over. NBD. I am here for all the moral support as I can give and get. Have a great day. And carrie. Great job at 30 days.peace I'm out.

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  125. I'm still sober! 14 days
    30 days Carrie, almost 100 days Todd!!!
    You guys are rockin!
    I just have been busy. I'll try to be a better poster.

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    1. Great job. I'll bet your feeling a bit better now. 98 days.it's awesome living sober.

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    2. sweet! DGI, I was concerned about ya! keeping busy is key. how are you feeling?

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    3. sweet! DGI, I was concerned about ya! keeping busy is key. how are you feeling?

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  126. Excellent DGI. very proud of you and you also carrie. Went out to a bar this weekend. ..and drank. Coca-Cola all night. Wahoooo. I wasn't worried I would crack. I went with a lot of my non judgemental friends who all drank. Usually I would have pounded 6 to 7. Finally I wasn't that person. Kinda was breakthrough as i finally went to a bar and only ordered soda. I am still always on gaurd. The last time I quit I went into believe either 116 or 137 days. So I'll just say 137. That is the full breakthrough point. Stay tuned until next time.RAGE RAGE RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU. AMEN.

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  127. Excellent DGI. very proud of you and you also carrie. Went out to a bar this weekend. ..and drank. Coca-Cola all night. Wahoooo. I wasn't worried I would crack. I went with a lot of my non judgemental friends who all drank. Usually I would have pounded 6 to 7. Finally I wasn't that person. Kinda was breakthrough as i finally went to a bar and only ordered soda. I am still always on gaurd. The last time I quit I went into believe either 116 or 137 days. So I'll just say 137. That is the full breakthrough point. Stay tuned until next time.RAGE RAGE RAGE ON IN SOBRIETY PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU. AMEN.

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    1. awesome that you passed that test! way to go!

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  128. This is what weve waited for. Boys and Girls this is war. Trudged through hell and back again I'll be your friend until the end. Lean on me and post your shit but DON'T GIVE IN and never quit. This rhyme is for the broken few actually there's tons of you.listen to me listen well go to heaven don't live in hell.it is these words my manifest until next time BE YOUR BEST. 99 DAYS GONE BYE!

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