***Submitted by Ariel
I’ve been a binge drinker for 20 years. I have every reason in the world to quit drinking. A great husband, 3 kids that I love like crazy, my own business, friends, and I have the desire to quit – to be a sober person – but I can’t seem to accomplish this.
My husband is a normal drinker. A couple of beers or a few glasses of wine and he’s good. He doesn’t have regular blackouts and pass out on the couch, like I do. He’s the responsible one, the designated driver (for me, always). He’s the one who will pick up our sons if they’re at friends’ houses at night, because God knows I can't drive.
I try to rationalize why I drink about two bottles of wine a night, 4 nights a week, sometimes 5, more if it’s a ‘holiday week’ or we’re away on vacation, or any other excuse. Am I bored and drinking to escape into a buzzed inner-euphoria? (yes). Am I intentionally trying to set a bad example for my kids? (I’m not doing it because I want to, but yes, of course I am setting a bad example. I am painfully aware of this, yet I continue to drink too much wine.) Do I want cirrhosis of the liver? Do I have a death wish? (no).
I believe that I drink a lot at home out of boredom and habit. As early as 5pm or 6pm, the cork gets popped and mom’s got a tumbler of wine in her hand…one that will be refilled many times.
I believe that I drink a lot when I’m out with friends, or when my husband and I go out on a super rare occasion, because being drunk feels good and makes me feel like a more interesting,outgoing person to be around. That is, except when the night devolves in to me being in a drunken stupor, falling off my chair, having someone pour me back into my house later that night. Me, not remembering the second half of so many nights.
Having said all this, one would never know I have a problem. I don’t drink during the day. I *can* go for days without drinking (recently went for 6 straight days while visiting family in another state. I didn’t even miss my wine. Why is that?) I’m highly functional. I’m really into fitness (I know, the irony). I work outdoing hard core cardio or weight training nearly every day and I eat right. I’m in love with my kids and husband, have a nice house, I’m great at what I do according to my clients, yada yada.
So why the heck can’t I even cut down? It’s just getting worse and worse.
I worry that I’m going to go the way of Whitney Houston. I’m almost the age she was when she died earlier this year. I hope I can muster the strength to go to a women’s meeting. I don’t have the strength yet to tell friends, family, or even straight-on tell my husband of my problem (but geez, he knows, right?).