Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Tired of This Drinking Game

***Submitted by Anonymous



Once again the bottle is almost empty, and I don't want to buy another one, but I do want to buy another one.  I go to different liquor stores so nobody sees me too often.

I don't know how to stop.

My husband says he wants the old me back, but I don't know who the old me is anymore.

I have anxiety, and the drinking gets rid of it, but I truly don't know what came first.  The anxiety or the alcoholism.

I know all the health risks to my excessive drinking, but some part of me doesn't care, and I can't figure out why.  I have a wonderful husband, two grown daughters who are married to great men, and two beautiful granddaughters.

I was let go from my last job for "causing disharmony amongst the staff."  Something completely not true.  The drinking really went into high gear as I searched for a new job for 22 months.  I have been at my new job for five months now, and I really like it.

I have everything to quit drinking, but for some reason I can't do it.

If you have any ideas for me, I would truly love to hear them.

Thank you.

21 comments:

  1. Find an AA meeting either in your area (or out of your area if you want to remain REALLY anonymous) and GO. You don't have to quit drinking to go and see what it's all about. Start with what is called a "Speaker Meeting". These are usually "open" which means your husband or a close friend could go with you.

    You can do this...you've already taken a step in the right direction. Please take it from someone who was exactly where you are now - it is soooooo worth it!

    God bless.

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  2. Keep reaching out!! PLEASE!! Keep a diary, and remember how GREAT it feels to wake up sober.. and don't tell yourself Im not gonna drink TODAY,, just say I'm not gonna do it NOW. Have dinner, and after dinner you'll realize so many nows have passed, its time for bed. And you will wake up feeling so good to be sober.. PLEASE KEEP REACHING OUT!! Talk I have IM if you want it, or you can text me.

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    1. hi - i loved your response - I am in the same position as the poster - I want to (or at least want to want) to stop, but I just can't seem to pull it off. Can I IM or text?

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  3. You have taken a huge step towards sobriety by admitting you have a problem. I'd wager the anxiety is caused by drinking; you will be surprised how quickly it may dissipate once you stop. The old you is still there, it is just being masked by alcohol.

    AA is there for you. All you have to do is ask.

    You can do this! And you are worth it.

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  4. It's hard, isn't it? It's a horrible state of limbo, when you know you need to stop, but you're not sure you can, or you even want to. I remember that time vividly. I remember being 5 days sober, standing in the shower, wondering what I was going to DO with myself without drinking...and then I realized lots of people do that everyday. That's when I really realized I was an alcoholic. I now have 15 months sober.

    I go to AA, and it has changed my life. I really suggest calling their main office in your area. They can connect you both with meetings and with individual members in your area.

    You are NOT alone. Please believe that. Hugs.

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  5. Hi. We haven't yet met yet, but I'm totally rooting for you. I was once like you. I couldn't stop for a day. But today it's been 10 months and four days. How did I accomplish this miracle? The answer is I didn't. I let others help me. And some how I got through an entire 24 hours. Don't try to do this by yourself. Get help. Call AA. And we will love you until you can love yourself.

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  6. LC has excellent advice for you. I would add when you call AA ask about a 12 step call. They will find sober women in your area that will take you to your first meeting so you won't have to go alone. Better yet, go to a womens meeting where you will find other woman like yourself in all stages of recovery. you won't have to talk, just listen.

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  7. Time to find an AA meeting!! go to aa.org to find a meeting in your area.

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  8. I stopped drinking 11 months ago. I started by going to an AA meeting. I walked in and was shaking. Not from the drinking, but from the embarrassment of having to go. I found out the people there were not drop-dead drunks, homeless, jobless people. They were like me. Everyday people who had a problem and were meeting everyday to discuss their demons....By the third meeting, I realized I was a lot better off than most of the people I was sitting with, which, not to sound corny, I remember back to an episode of M*A*S*H. BJ was feeling sorry for himself, got drunk, and was crying about how much he was missing back at home, his wife and daughter without him, and how much he had to lose by being in the war. Finally, Margaret yelled him, and reminded him he had the most to lose, because he had the most to begin with. You say you have a great family, and a new job. You may have a lot to lose if you don't stop. Its hard, but doable, and there lots of people in the same boat. Don't be afraid to get help, and don't be afraid to fail....Sometime you will fall, but get up and keep on walking. You will make it.

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  9. I'm a big fan of Women for Sobriety

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  10. Admitting you have a problem and asking for help are HUGE.
    Good for you. I also go to AA. I'm a suburban mom. If I didn't see other women in the room I thought were like me at that first meeting, I probably would've turned around and walked out, dismissing the members as having different circumstances. But I saw them. Moms like me. So I stayed and eventually, I heard my story told. Now I don't need to identify superficially with people in the rooms. I know we all have the same disease and it doesn't discriminate.

    I hope you find the path to sobriety that works for you.

    XO

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  11. It is tough admitting you have a problem. I know I had every excuse imaginable for the reason I was drinking! I have been sober for 168 days now. It hasn't been easy but if I can do it so can you. You have taken the first step by asking for help. The best help, support and encouragement I got was from my family and AA. It took me a while to go to AA but I am so glad I did! Dont be afraid to get help.....we all need it!

    As someone else said to you....You can do this because YOU ARE WORTH IT!

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  12. Like everyone else said, just know that you are not alone. I used to go to different liquor stores too...I thought, man, I don't want the guys in there seeing me buy wine every single day after work. It's a tough place to be in. I had to hit complete rock bottom before getting help but everyone's bottom is different. You are asking for help which is HUGE. As everyone said, AA meetings are essential. And they can be scary at first. Just go and listen - take what you want and leave the rest. You don't have to agree with everything said or like everyone in the meeting. But you must be WILLING to listen and learn. You should see if there is a women's meeting in your area - those are amazing. Pray, get a sponsor, go to meetings, be willing and honest...lots of pieces to the puzzle. Just don't be afraid (easier said than done!) to ask for help. The rewards are so worth that little bit of fear! GOod luck in your journey!!!! You are loved!

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  13. You are definitely NOT alone. There are millions of us who felt the same way. Drinking at this point is like having a "full-time" job. I know, because I did the sneaking and the covering up for so long. The peace of living an honest life is such a wonderful trade-off. I am not sure how it happened, but my life is so full without the use of alcohol, I rarely miss it. When I have a wistful moment, I just remember how good I look and feel in the morning. I would suggest that if you have a recovery center near you, try and attend an AA meeting at the center, there are people there who have a few days or a few hours and sometimes it is easier to connect with people who are going through what you are right now. Good luck and God bless you.

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  15. Go for a walk in a beautiful place as often as you can. Sing or hum or whistle simple tunes. Buy yourself a beautiful candle and make a self-compassion alter with flowers and a picture of yourself. Light that candle everyday and wish yourself loving kindness. Start a flower garden just for you. Don't shame yourself for drinking if you do drink, for the shame will only breed more of a desire to drink. Instead feel the sorrow and sadness the drinking causes and grieve for the loss of your Self. Find a great therapist. The drinking can be caused by our sorrow but then it creates and expands it. I felt so much better after after I quit. Less anxious, more peace. Consider seeing a doc about suboxone. You can do this. You aren't alone.

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  16. There are many pathways to recovery, and recovery is really...any positive change. AA and other twelve step programs have worked for millions of women, and I am one of them. But if you aren't ready yet to put the cork in the bottle - maybe you can think about making one small step toward positive change? Can you cut back on your drinking and see how that feels? Perhaps you will be able to think more clearly if you drink less, and then you can really tap into how you feel about things.

    Just my two cents - sent with love.

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  17. These women are right, you've taken a big step. It's the first step. I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol. I didn't think I could do life sober, nor did I want to. I never wanted to feel discomfort, and I thought sobriety meant feeling uncomfortable. Honestly, the fear of that "feeling" was the biggest hurdle for me. Turns out I experienced many "uncomfortable" moments, but i did not do it alone and I found out I could do it, I could be "uncomfortable" and live through it. Never stop trying.

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  18. You have to truly want to quit in order to quit. I hated the person I was when I drank, and hated the way I felt the morning after, not to mention the weight gain and bloating. Alcoholism runs in my family. Seeing my mother drunk made me sick. Something about an elderly lady drunk acting ridiculous, loud and mushy was discussing to me and I did NOT want to be like her in anyway. That helped me a lot as well. I hated not remembering conversations I had with my husband and kids the night before. I hated feeling lazy and tired the next day and not having enough energy to do anything but eat tons of carbs and lay around after work.
    So you really have to want to quit and really hate the person alcohol makes you. I'm sure if we could tape ourselves while indulging it would be embarrassing enough to want to quit. I also have trusted in God to give me strength. I want to live for Him and do things that please Him. When we are drunk or hungover this is impossible. I was lucky to have a husband that was willing to stay with me during my many years of drinking and sounds likel your man is willing as well. You have to do it for YOU! And I promise you will be a much better, happier person for it Sure you will feel and have emotions, but better that than being dead spiritually, emotionally and physically. Have Faith, and God Bless :0)

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  19. Remember that, although AA has worked for many, there are other routes to sobriety. AA is the most accessible and, if a good fit for you, is wonderful. You may also want to find a substance abuse counselor with whom you "click", Women for Sobriety (online OR there are some F2F), SMART Recovery (again, online, but there are some F2F), etc. Reading literature about alcoholism is also a great help. You can do this. You will find people successfully beating this thing through all of the aforementioned ways. Good luck.

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  20. AA is a great place to start. Go to a meeting. Listen to what the people have to say. Get some phone numbers. You will feel better! It's been almost 9 months for me. It has been smooth, but there have been times when I wanted to drink. The thought of having to admit to others that I blew it puts me back on track. I'm rooting for you!

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