Sunday, December 18, 2011

Beyond My Wildest Dreams

***Submitted by Anonymous

I'm a stay at home mom who drank like it was my job. I was so resentful at motherhood and all the sacrifices that came with it. I knew my children were gifts and blessings,but yet all I wanted was mommy time....Mommy's wine time.

I was the mom with the cleanest house, laundry always put away, not a dish in the sink....you could eat off my floor. I always made sure I was put together and appeared to look good on the outside but inside I was so empty and lost. I found comfort in what started off as an innocent glass or two of wine to unwind as I was making dinner for my family.I thought I deserve it.....I'm home all day with my children, no outlet to socialize with other adults so I DESERVE this glass.

Well that glass or two turned into a magnum of wine a night, and the time of day I poured the first glass got earlier and earlier. This didn't happen overnight. The progression took a couple of years before hit spiraled so out of control that it was pure chaos.

I was hiding magnums all over the house so that my husband couldn't keep track of how much was missing out of the bottle in the fridge. I was putting my wine in to-go coffee mugs to take my kids to the park. I couldn't bring them to a sports practice without having it on the sidelines. My marriage was falling apart because of my drinking.

By the time by husband got home from work I was nearly in a blackout yelling and screaming because I was home all day with the kids, filled with rage and resentment. Each time the fight happened I would swear off drinking for that night...."I'm taking the night off" is what I would tell myself and my husband. Somehow by midday the following day I would wind up right back in the same place with my magnum of wine.

The insanity was that I really believed things would be different this time. I will control it tonight - I won't start any fights. The pattern was never any different and always had the same outcome.I had an abusive relationship with alcohol- It was so painful, each encounter had a devastating effect, yet I would still go back for more each night seeking comfort in the bottle.

In august 2010 the fighting with my husband got so bad that he left. I knew I didn't want my marriage to end and was desperate for help.

I never wanted to admit defeat, admitting I was an alcoholic meant I could never drink again-this petrified me. How will i get through the day. How will I socialize? I was desperate to save my marriage so I went away to a rehab for 21 days. This is where the seed for AA was planted.

When leaving rehab I started to go to AA meetings. I started to see the light. The stories of other men and woman who have gone before me were such an inspiration. I started to feel like there was hope - light at the end of my dark miserable tunnel. I would keep coming back because that's what I was told.

I didn't leave rehab and get it right away. It took a few slips and slides before I had to completely surrender to the fact that I was and I am an alcoholic. I am now 10 months sober and can't believe the growth that has happened in my life. It is a miracle that I have not picked up a drink in 10 months-I attribute this miracle to God working in my life.....sometimes directly and sometimes through the fellowship of AA.

People in the rooms of AA have transformed and touch my life in ways that cant be described. I have a sense of peace and serenity within my life now that I never thought possible. My family dynamic has taken on new meaning-I am a sober mom today who is present for my children. I am an honest and trustworthy wife who can be held accountable. These are all miracles that are now present in my every day life...and it's all because I put down the drink and started working the program of alcoholics anonymous.

My life now truly is beyond my wildest dreams!

8 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your inspiring story!

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  2. So awesome!!! Thanks for your story!

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  3. Brilliant Posting! This is my story, but haven't reached the end...yet! - Gwen

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  4. Great story!! Thanks for sharing and keep it up! Sober life **IS** wonderful.

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  5. Just what I needed to hear!

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  6. Sober life is so much better. I was just like you and I would drink because I felt lost being a stay at home mom..when I drank was the only time that I felt "normal" or what I thought was normal at the time. All it did was make me act nasty, act short with my kids and husband and ruin days on end because I felt so crappy everyday. Now life is so much more precious to me and without the drinks in it.

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  7. "I thought I deserve it.....I'm home all day with my children, no outlet to socialize with other adults so I DESERVE this glass." Oh yes. I can absolutely relate. And the glass was giant. And it was more than a glass.

    GREAT post. Thanks for sharing!

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  8. Bravo, thank you for sharing the beauty of sobriety

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