Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Today Is The Day

***Submitted by Momto7

You don’t know me. You just think you do.

We wave to each other as we wait in the “car rider” line at school. You don’t know my McDonald’s cup has vodka mixed with the Diet Coke. You stop me in the grocery store to ask my advice on choosing a teacher. You don’t know that I’ve been drinking since ten this morning. You ask me to volunteer to help with a project. I write it down immediately. You say “That’s how you stay organized with so many kids!” I know I must write it down because I may not remember.

I don’t even remember going to bed last night.

I do remember why I started drinking. I was trying to relax, enjoy myself, stop stressing so much. Then one drink leads to another…and I do relax a bit and even laugh…until I’m on my third or fourth drink of the night, then I turn mean. I yell at my children, I pick fights with my husband. After last night’s fight, I decided (again) that I have to stop. But this time I mean it. When he threatens to leave and take my baby, I know I’m over the line.

So this morning, I dropped one son off at football practice, then drove to the store. I took the empty vodka bottle and a half full bottle, disguised by a grocery bag, and threw them in the trash. Returned home to deliver my other two children to school.

I drink because I have seven children, a demanding job, and an unemployed husband.

I’m stopping the drinking because I have seven children and a husband.

Today is the day.

18 comments:

  1. wow, so wish you the best. I have yet to make that commitment. May God bless and help you on your journey. I hope you make it. I still need the help.

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  2. Good for you. Today is a great day to quit.

    I'm going to say a couple things that will scare the hell out of you though:
    1) People know you drink. Maybe you can hide from some of them, but many people can tell you drink, even if it is vodka, which isn't supposed to have a smell. I can smell vodka 10 feet away, and I can spot a drunk even further away.

    2) You deserve to quit for YOU. Not for your husband, not for your kids. You deserve to have a life that is full of feeling and love, not dulled by alcohol.

    I wish you all the best.

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  3. You deserve sobriety - it really can be a new beginning; please don't do this alone. It's a "we" thing! Blessings, <><

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  4. You cannot do this yourself. You need the help and support of other women in recovery.Find an AA meeting and talk to just one other woman...better still, listen to their stories. Let them love you until you can love yourself.

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  5. This is the best day to stop. Go to a meeting and get a sponsor today too. Best of luck.

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  6. I absolutely agree with everyone's post especially Suebob's. I drank just like you - my excuse was the death of my 22 year old son. I drank on his grave. I drove drunk (vodka and oj) with my other 3 children in the car. I drank on my son's grave. I was a drunken pathetic martyr. Everyone including my kids knew I drank but gave me a pass because of my son's death. Would they have given me another pass if I had killed my other children while driving drunk? I don't think so. Please find someone to help you - now!

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  7. Just take one day at a time. Find an AA meeting and a sponsor.

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  8. We know how you feel and have the soloution, don't do this alone, head to a meeting.

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  9. Everyone is giving you sound advise. I thought I could do it alone, but I need my AA friends and I need the meetings. Best wishes to you!

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  10. Sending massive love to you. I hope that day really was the day and that you've had a second and a third. You deserve it.

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  11. It all starts with one day. Hang in there.

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  12. such an incredibly powerful post to which i can relate in so many ways. thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. you can't know how much this helps the rest of us who are struggling right along with you. sending prayers your way for strength. you are definitely not alone.

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  13. Thank you for your honest and heart-breaking post. I relate with your experience in a big way. Sounds very much like my story: Seemingly a powerhouse mother on the outside, barely holding it together on the inside.

    Since getting sober a while back, I can say that I don't regret it, not one bit. Life is so different and so full now. So much of the fear has been removed.

    I agree with SueBob that even when we think people don't know we're drinking, many do pick up on it. It took me a while to realize this and I was mortified thinking about what others may have noticed over the years. I don't have to do that anymore.

    I hope you will reach out for help in your local community. Your chances for success in staying sober are much greater when you can be a part of a group who understands. I'm so grateful I haven't had to do this alone. I would have misssed out on so much.

    The early days are hard. But if you stay sober, things will change. Prayers for you this morning.

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  14. I'm so pleased to have found this blog site. I have been searching for a community online of women who, like me, harboured a nasty little drinking habit in the home. Admitting how dysfunctional I was has been so powerful but I'm so scared about sticking to my sobriety. It's such a hard addiction to kick. Your words are really helpful and I love feeling like I'm not alone. Kia Kaha everybody from New Zealand.

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  15. Thank you for sharing your struggles. Today is day 1 for me. May we both have the strentgh to make changes that will make our life so much better and prevent us from loosing it all.

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  16. Prayers and strength to you, my sister. Thank you for your brave post.
    Peace and Healthy Living~

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  17. May your heart soon be free...your mind be free. Peace to you. It's so possible.

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  18. Prayers to you. The fact that you are willing to admit that your life is unmanageable and that you know you need help is a HUGE step. It takes most of us awhile to get there I think. Get sober for yourself...the relationships in your life will likely become better than you ever thought possible if you are to become sober and work a program. You can do this! Find women in recovery in your community - don't be afraid to call them. They WANT those phone calls. Good luck to you in your journey!!!

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