***Submitted by Anonymous
A note from Ellie: Anonymous submitted her original post about a month ago, and since that time she has sent the following update: I'm no longer drinking. I was at the grocery store with my children. I picked up a 12 pack of Sam Adams and put it in the cart. My daughter started pleading with me. "Please, Mommy,, I don't want you to be sick." I was so sick that I made it to the check out with the beer. She asked again, "Please, Mommy, put the beer back." I very nicely refused until... Her lip started quivering. I could tell that she was trying not to cry. I put the beer back and haven't had a drop since.
I chose the title for this post because not only do I have a beer belly, which looks ridiculous since the rest of me is thin, but I do feel like I have gone belly up as the expression goes. I am a practicing alcoholic and mother of two.
There is an art to this. I can't buy hard liquor even though it would be more economical than beer or wine, because if I have alcohol in the house I'll drink it from the moment I wake up. I usually buy a twelve pack of cheap beer.
I drink two in the morning to ease my hangover then wait to buy more until just before the kid's bus arrives. As soon as I have gotten the kids off the bus I start drinking beer from a travel mug with a lid pretending that it's coffee. Another way that I try to prevent people from knowing what I am doing to myself is to never buy beer in my hometown and to alternate between three stores in surrounding towns, always buying something else along with the beer, like a soda, so the cashier won't know that I plan to start drinking shortly.
I spend most of my social time with my ex husband because he accepts my drinking, though he didn't when we were married. He makes quite a bit of money, and I have a small income. My checking account is currently overdrawn. I knowingly took money out from the ATM when I had none because I am physically addicted to beer and had no other means of obtaining it. I often rely on my ex husband and mother to provide me with groceries for the kids because I spend most of my expendable income on beer.
I've been to rehab several times. I've tried AA. I always return to my best friend and worst enemy... alcohol. I'm hoping that talking about it will help.
Thanks for listening.