Wednesday, September 21, 2011

One Year

***Submitted by Renee

One year ago, I was miserable. I was desperate. Despite outward appearances to the contrary, I had nothing.

There was a big gaping hole in my soul that was threatening to consume me. Nothing I did could close that hole. I was lost.

I said I was depressed. I said I was tired. I said many things to explain it away. But I knew better. I knew deep down that I was an alcoholic.

I was an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic. The thing that I loved so desperately was no longer working. My best friend, my lover, my everything could no longer offer relief. I turned to it more and more but it no longer numbed my pain. Instead I was left a raw nerve aching at everything life presented.

When I could no longer take the pain, I cried out for help. I turned to others. I admitted out loud to others that I was an alcoholic and I was powerless.

A miracle occurred. No one shunned me. No one thought less of me. I was welcomed with open arms. “Don’t drink, just for today,” they told me. I listened. Nothing else had worked for me so I tried it their way. Today became another day and another and another. I followed their suggestions.

I followed their suggestions. I surrendered. I worked hard. It got better. I changed. I grew. I stood straighter, prouder. I stayed sober.

Today, I am no longer desperate, no longer miserable. I found the perfect thing to close the big gaping hole in my soul. Today I am free.

My journey isn’t over. It’s far from over. There is still work to be done, actions to take.

But for today, for the past year, I can say I am a happy woman. I can say I am a sober woman.

10 comments:

  1. Congrats on 1 year!!!! This is huge, and I am so happy for you that you have reached your first birthday. Well done! What a great piece of encouragement for others to read. :)

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  2. Congratulations on 1 year. Here's to your continued peace and happiness!

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  3. Congrats Renee! So thrilled for you!

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  4. Congratulations Renee! Fantastic post. It IS such a relief when we accept that it doesn't work anymore...

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  5. Renee, I wish I had read your post yesterday. On Monday, I made it my first "one day at a time". It was fine. Tuesday morning, I felt great and was proud. Then..in the evening, for some reason, as I always do, I bought wine and drank it. This morning I felt guilty and queasy. Then I read your entry. If I had checked in yesterday, I would've been stronger. But you have made me stronger for today. Thanks and all the best for you.

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  6. Virtual Hugs, bells and whistles! Very happy for you!

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  7. Thank you for your words and congratulations on your one year mark. I check this site weekly and feel very strongly that I will be posting when I have reached one year as well, but I have 342 days to go! And doing it one day at a time really does work for me. The inspiration, empathy, hoesty and rawness of the words I read here reach me at my core. Christine 23 days...and counting.

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  8. Congratulations to you!!! You inspire me!

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