***Submitted by Renee
One year ago, I was miserable. I was desperate. Despite outward appearances to the contrary, I had nothing.
There was a big gaping hole in my soul that was threatening to consume me. Nothing I did could close that hole. I was lost.
I said I was depressed. I said I was tired. I said many things to explain it away. But I knew better. I knew deep down that I was an alcoholic.
I was an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic. The thing that I loved so desperately was no longer working. My best friend, my lover, my everything could no longer offer relief. I turned to it more and more but it no longer numbed my pain. Instead I was left a raw nerve aching at everything life presented.
When I could no longer take the pain, I cried out for help. I turned to others. I admitted out loud to others that I was an alcoholic and I was powerless.
A miracle occurred. No one shunned me. No one thought less of me. I was welcomed with open arms. “Don’t drink, just for today,” they told me. I listened. Nothing else had worked for me so I tried it their way. Today became another day and another and another. I followed their suggestions.
I followed their suggestions. I surrendered. I worked hard. It got better. I changed. I grew. I stood straighter, prouder. I stayed sober.
Today, I am no longer desperate, no longer miserable. I found the perfect thing to close the big gaping hole in my soul. Today I am free.
My journey isn’t over. It’s far from over. There is still work to be done, actions to take.
But for today, for the past year, I can say I am a happy woman. I can say I am a sober woman.