Wednesday, September 21, 2011

One Year

***Submitted by Renee

One year ago, I was miserable. I was desperate. Despite outward appearances to the contrary, I had nothing.

There was a big gaping hole in my soul that was threatening to consume me. Nothing I did could close that hole. I was lost.

I said I was depressed. I said I was tired. I said many things to explain it away. But I knew better. I knew deep down that I was an alcoholic.

I was an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic. The thing that I loved so desperately was no longer working. My best friend, my lover, my everything could no longer offer relief. I turned to it more and more but it no longer numbed my pain. Instead I was left a raw nerve aching at everything life presented.

When I could no longer take the pain, I cried out for help. I turned to others. I admitted out loud to others that I was an alcoholic and I was powerless.

A miracle occurred. No one shunned me. No one thought less of me. I was welcomed with open arms. “Don’t drink, just for today,” they told me. I listened. Nothing else had worked for me so I tried it their way. Today became another day and another and another. I followed their suggestions.

I followed their suggestions. I surrendered. I worked hard. It got better. I changed. I grew. I stood straighter, prouder. I stayed sober.

Today, I am no longer desperate, no longer miserable. I found the perfect thing to close the big gaping hole in my soul. Today I am free.

My journey isn’t over. It’s far from over. There is still work to be done, actions to take.

But for today, for the past year, I can say I am a happy woman. I can say I am a sober woman.


  1. Congrats on 1 year!!!! This is huge, and I am so happy for you that you have reached your first birthday. Well done! What a great piece of encouragement for others to read. :)

  2. Congratulations on 1 year. Here's to your continued peace and happiness!

  3. Congrats Renee! So thrilled for you!

  4. Congratulations Renee! Fantastic post. It IS such a relief when we accept that it doesn't work anymore...

  5. Renee, I wish I had read your post yesterday. On Monday, I made it my first "one day at a time". It was fine. Tuesday morning, I felt great and was proud. the evening, for some reason, as I always do, I bought wine and drank it. This morning I felt guilty and queasy. Then I read your entry. If I had checked in yesterday, I would've been stronger. But you have made me stronger for today. Thanks and all the best for you.

  6. Virtual Hugs, bells and whistles! Very happy for you!

  7. Thank you for your words and congratulations on your one year mark. I check this site weekly and feel very strongly that I will be posting when I have reached one year as well, but I have 342 days to go! And doing it one day at a time really does work for me. The inspiration, empathy, hoesty and rawness of the words I read here reach me at my core. Christine 23 days...and counting.

  8. Congratulations to you!!! You inspire me!