***Submitted by Anonymous
I really wanted to wait to write in when my story was a success story. A story I could tell with a year or more sobriety under my belt. But truth be told, I haven't been able to string more than two weeks of non-drinking together in who knows how long.
I am so ashamed. In fact, tonight as I type I have had three glasses of ice cold Pinot Grigio and two shots of gin, yet I do not feel buzzed, yet alone drunk. That scares the shit out of me.
A little background about me--I am 30 years old and come from a very Christian household. My parents and two sisters are all complete tee-totalers; my mother and father waited until marriage for sex, as my older sister. My younger sister is single and plans to wait until marriage for her first sexual experience. I, on the other hand--the middle child--had sex before I was married (if it matters, I was with my now-husband for more than a year before we had sex, and he is the only man with whom I have had intercourse), and am the only person in my family that drinks.
My husband drinks occasionally but it is very moderate--a pint of beer or cider once a week or so. For me--on the other hand--I can easily drink a bottle and a half of wine by myself in an evening plus a few shots of hard liquor or even a fifth of vodka or gin over the course of a day. Trust me, I am not bragging and I am not proud of this.
I am highly educated with a Masters Degree in Pharmaceutical Science and I am a professional in the Clinical Research field and am paid very well for what I do, but what people do not know is that I overindulge in alcohol at least 2-3 days out of the week, if not more. I only highlight this to show that it really does not matter your education or income level--alcoholism can affect anyone.
My rational mind knows that I am on a slippery slope to destruction, but my physiological mind tells me to fuck it and just do what feels good at the moment. I really do not like the feeling of being out of control.
At this time I really don't have any words of encouragement to offer anyone, but I could surely use some encouragement if anyone has some they would like to offer.