Saturday, March 5, 2011

Day One

***Submitted by Anna, and originally posted on her blog, Chardonnay No More on Feb. 22, 2011


Today is day one. Day one of not pouring a glass of my favorite beverage, Chardonnay – a beverage that has become my best friend and enemy all in one savory sip.


Tonight my mind won’t get fuzzy and my nerves won’t be calmed by a bottle.

I won’t have that warm feeling come over me as I sink into the couch.

I will remember tucking the kids into bed.

I will have to be mentally and emotionally present when my husband fondles me and tells me he loves me while climbing on top.

I will not sweat all night, wake up having a panic attack or drink a gallon of water trying to flush my friend/enemy called Chardonnay out of my body.

My head won’t hurt in the morning and my eyes won’t be glassy. I won’t have to consume minty gum, mouth wash and suck on candy to cover up the fruity alcohol sent that could linger.

I will wave to the police officer that circles the school road without my heart jumping out of my body in a panic.

A hangover isn’t drunk driving – is it?

Today is day one of figuring out how to live sober without Chardonnay in my life. To figure out who I am again without the bottle to relieve tension, make me smile and laugh or cope with heartache and stress.

Today is day one and each day will be a new start. A fresh start without my friend Chardonnay, Chardonnay no more!

10 comments:

  1. So proud of you. So proud of you for your bravery in posting here, too. I'll be thinking of you as you find ways to cope, as you look for those you can reach out to when things get hard, as you struggle physically and emotionally. Sending thoughts for endurance, peace, clarity, and courage. <3

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  2. Congratulations on your fresh start, Anna, on waking up to a new way. It's a well traveled path you are on now, and you are not alone. Blessings on your journey...

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  3. Wonderful! It feels good doesn't it? The clarity. That guilt is such a heavy load. And here's even more, sobriety just keeps getting better! Peace....and gentleness to you.

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  4. This post makes me smile. One day at a time. And you can do it!

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  5. "A hangover isn’t drunk driving – is it?"

    Oof. I remember.

    I can hear the pain and awareness in this post. I am wishing you peace and all good things. *Big hug*

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  6. The first step is simply to stop the behaviour. Sounds like you are nailing it, I hope you have plenty of support in your daily life, and wish you all the best as you embark on the first day of the rest of what can be a wonderful life.

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  7. Losing the guilt and worry is such a wonderful feeling. Hope it goes smoothly for you...one day at a time

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  8. I love this post - I love your bravery, your honesty and your truth.

    I've been sober a while, but I always try to remember that all any of us have is one day. Every day I'm on Day One - if I make it until the end of the day, it's a victory, no matter how long I've been sober.

    Counting days is important - it helps us acknowledge our daily victory, helps us focus on what a MIRACLE it is to get through life without drinking. For me, early sobriety was full of Day Ones - slips and starts - and it was crushing to "start over", but start over I did. Each and every time.

    Every day you get under your belt sober counts, so keep that gorgeous bravery and truth shining through.

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  9. I wish I didn't have so many "day ones". Sigh.

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  10. Tell me how to start a day one. Reading all these comments about recovery is great but I need to summon the guts to have that first boze free day. I never pass out or forget but this week I am drinking off and off from 12- 7pm
    My kids are 4 and 3. Tell me how to start!

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