Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Big Bad Wolf of Fear

***Submitted by Melissa

We all have/had fear about living without the booze in our life. It is our safety blanket and we can't imagine how we will manage without it. I think that alcohol messes with our minds and starts to create this monster fear of life without booze--- kind of like a manipulative controlling lover who makes you feel like you will be nothing without them. I think it is safe to say that it is probably what ultimately kept all of us from quitting. Many of us pushed through that and "faced the fear and did it anyway."

And it is so true that the fear is much worse than the thing we are actually afraid of, but the only way to really know that is to try it out and see for ourself-- and jumping off the cliff with a little faith and a lot of fear is scary. It's very similar to being in a bad relationship.

We are afraid we'll never find anyone better, that we'll never find that kind of happiness again. And yet, breakups happen and we all manage to not only survive, but eventually thrive.

Now being sober for five months, I certainly wouldn't say that most of my sober moments have been "scary". Some have been uncomfortable, painful, annoying and not much fun, but here I am, still surviving and thriving despite the fact that I can't rely on my wine anymore.
And the best part is that there are lots of great positive moments that the alcoholic me didn't even know I was missing out on. So for those of you still struggling with quitting, there is a better, clearer version of your life waiting for you but you won't be able to see that it is there until you get out of the fog of the booze. And once you do see it, you'll realize how valuable it is.


  1. Thank you-as I start day two, this message means so much.

  2. I am so glad, Leslie. Another great part is that it doesn't necessarily take too long to see some "results." It's a little bit of two steps forward and one step back. But every sober day IS progress. Hang in there and best wishes to you!

  3. Thank you so much for sharing Melissa! Congratulations on your journey in sobriety :) I have 10 months right now, and there will never be NO struggles but that's life and in sobriety we are finally able to face it on its own terms. I love how you mention that some moments were bad, but that some moments were surprisingly wonderful. We don't realize how much we missed out on until we start to trudge this road of happy destiny.

    to Leslie: it gets BETTER and BETTER! keep coming back, and expect a miracle. if you need anything feel free to stop by and contact me :) Day two may not seem like much, but day one is a huge accomplishment so you are doing it!

  4. That's so right on. There is so much peace and quiet and joy to be had.

    "kind of like a manipulative controlling lover who makes you feel like you will be nothing without them."

    That really is a great analogy!

    I have to admit though... my biggest fear? Was boredom. I wonder if anyone else felt this way?

  5. Boredom was always an excuse to drink. And boredom still is a trigger for me. Booze seemed to make things more exciting, intimate and just plain fun. Also seemed to make boring situations more interesting or at least tolerable.

    Now that i am 7 months sober, boredom still makes me uncomfortable and antsy but the boredom itself is at least tolerable.

    I am also present to enjoy the unexpected moments that happen alongside those boring ones. Moments I likely missed when i was preoccupied watching the clock for 5:00 to finally fucking get here so i could pour a glass of vino.

    Thanks for your honesty.

  6. Such an encouraging post. Thank you..