Submitted by Anonymous
I’ve been reading this blog for a couple weeks... and I feel really connected to so many stories.
I thought I was alone.
I thought that no one in this world EVER drank like I have.
I can’t believe I let it get like this.
This self medicating lifestyle HAS to end.
For my child.
For my husband.
For my family.
My body flushes with emotions as I think about the shame I’ve done.
I went to visit my family...and drank all day.. everyday... for 7 straight days.
I thought they didn’t notice.
I thought wrong.
I know they did. I know it shames my dad to know that his daughter is so sad. So lost.
That she has to guzzle vodka to feel better.
Who does that?
I’m ashamed. Embarrassed.
Even worse than before.
I need help. I’m going to kill myself if I don’t stop this destructive behavior.
I haven’t been myself for 2 years. Well... maybe 3. I had a successful radio/TV career.. then moved shortly after I got married... for my husband’s job.
I lost my life, I feel like.
I gave up so much for him..my home... my career...my body for his baby. (I gained so much weight.)
I’d drink to feel pretty.
To feel like I had a purpose. When in truth.... I was becoming even more worthless.
I hide it from my husband.
In the closet. In the garage.
In my child’s closet. Who does that? I don't want this devil anymore.
I need God. I need to know that I can stop what I’m doing. My heart aches knowing what I’ve done. How could I have drank 6 bottles of vodka.
I don’t even remember visiting my family.
And deep down, I miss them so much... I wasted my trip.
I think about how I woke up with the shakes.
I can’t believe that I drove with my child to the liquor store.
What kind of mother does that?
Can you please help me with my sadness? I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just want to be content with this life. I want to know that I’m a great mother. A great wife. A great daughter.
I am almost 33 years old.
And I feel like I'm nearly 100.
Please God. 3 years is long enough to be so sad.
Or should I sign: Alcoholic