*** submitted by Anonymous
This is my reality.
I was going to post this on my blog, but then I got scared. This is a joke to some people. They don't think this is a "real" addiction. I don't know who to talk to because there's no 12-step for this.
It's all I can think about sometimes. I'd rather do it than anything else. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about at night before I go to sleep. When I'm away from home, all I can think about is getting back home so I can do it again. I try to find ways to steer conversations to it.
If I can't do it, I start to get anxious. The longer I'm not doing it, the worse it gets. I start to get crabby and cranky and snap at my husband and lose patience with my son. I do it before anything else because it calms me, and I tell myself that it helps me focus so it's okay to do it at the same time as I'm trying to do other things. I want to do it right now. In fact, I am doing it right now.
I find reasons to do it instead of things I should be doing, like cleaning the house, working out, spending time with my 2-year-old son, or taking a shower.
I find new goals to attain while I'm doing it, just to have a reason to keep doing it.
I might fail this term at school because I do it instead of my reports and projects, still. I have a job that I can do from home that pays depending on how much work I put into it. I could make a dollar every 5 minutes. I don't. I do it instead.
Is this addiction?
I feel like I am throwing my life away but I can't seem to stop. I'm afraid to admit it because I'm afraid people will laugh. I think they will think I am making fun of people who have "real" addictions, like alcohol and drugs. But I'm not.
I promise you, I am not.
I think I am addicted to MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game). Right now it's Lord of the Rings Online. Before that it was City of Heroes. Before that it was EverQuest. When I quit playing EverQuest (to play City of Heroes) my character play time was over 500 days. This was from 2000 to 2004. I spent over a year and a half of my life playing EverQuest. I'm sure I have more time in City of Heroes. Three accounts, and over 72 characters on the main server I played on. I don't play City of Heroes so much these days because I'm busy playing LOTRO.
I started playing LOTRO in April of 2007. The total amount of play time on my current characters is 136 days, 1 hour and 18 minutes, and this doesn't include time I put into characters then deleted or started over. I made a new character last week. Wednesday, I think. I already have 3 days 6 hours of play time on that character. Three of the past 7 days have been spent playing that character.
I'm logged in right now. I feel like I can't help it. I log in first thing in the morning, between 8am and 9am. I log out at 10pm, now. I used to log out at 2am. 12-18 hours a day playing. Yes. A day.
Is this addiction?
I'm scared that it is.