Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I Did It

**Submitted by Anonymous.

I Did It…

I went. To my first AA meeting. Have you done that before?   Do you know what it is like?   Do you remember what it was like?

Many have you been there before. Do you remember your first meeting? The fear of going in? The fear of knowing someone, of not knowing someone?

I circled around the block for awhile not wanting to be too early or too late. Just on time. I walked in. There was one seat left and I sat down. I looked down the entire time, not because of shame, I knew they had all been here before, but just because I was scared. I didn’t know what to expect. I listened and watched everyone get their chips. They passed them around and I looked at them in awe. How did you do that? 4 months, 6 months, 11 months, 2 years(!). How is that possible?

But I sat and I listened. I listened to those people who had all that time; they didn’t look that much different to me. I listened to the woman who got her 11 month chip who said she didn’t really “get it” until about six months later, but she kept coming. I listened to the woman who said she wasn’t going to come tonight but every time she comes there is something that someone says that she needs to hear. I got that. ‘I’ needed to hear that.

At the end of the meeting, everyone got up. I started to put my jacket on because I thought it was over. It was not. Everyone got in a circle, held hands and said a prayer. Embarrassed, I said “I’m sorry; it’s my first time…” The woman next to me said, “Just take my hand.” But it was the nicest voice I ever heard. We said a prayer, and then after that I was bombarded with women offering me their phone numbers and words of encouragement.

Was I scared? Yes. Did I finally do it? Yes. Am I going back?

Absolutely.

4 comments:

  1. Good for you. And I love that, what that woman said.. "just take my hand". That's really what it's all about, isn't it?

    I have never been so scared as I was when I walked into my first meeting, it is something I'll never forget. It's by far the bravest thing I've ever done. And it saved my life.

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  2. My first meeting was terrifying. I, too, stared at the floor or the tabletop nearly the entire time. It was very scary indeed.

    I am so grateful to the woman who said, "just take my hand." to you. That is absolutely what the program is about. When scared, confused, exhausted, or terrified all we truly need to do is reach out and grab another alcoholic's hand. I have found so many times how that simple act seems to erase the negative feelings and bring me feelings of comfort, understanding, joy, and love.

    Congratulations on your first meeting!

    Keep coming back. It works! And you, my dear, are totally worth it!

    Love,
    Sadie

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  3. oh yes, my first meeting was terrifying! I nearly had a panic attack and fainted on the way in. At the table, when it finally got to me to talk I bawled my eyes out. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time. Keep going back, it only gets better!

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  4. Congratulations! You were telling my story. It was just like that for me too. The most important thing I've learned is that I'm not alone. There are so many men and women who are going through this who genuinely want to help others succeed. It's wonderful. Keep going, you're doing an amazing job!

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