**Submitted by Anonymous.
I Did It…
I went. To my first AA meeting. Have you done that before? Do you know what it is like? Do you remember what it was like?
Many have you been there before. Do you remember your first meeting? The fear of going in? The fear of knowing someone, of not knowing someone?
I circled around the block for awhile not wanting to be too early or too late. Just on time. I walked in. There was one seat left and I sat down. I looked down the entire time, not because of shame, I knew they had all been here before, but just because I was scared. I didn’t know what to expect. I listened and watched everyone get their chips. They passed them around and I looked at them in awe. How did you do that? 4 months, 6 months, 11 months, 2 years(!). How is that possible?
But I sat and I listened. I listened to those people who had all that time; they didn’t look that much different to me. I listened to the woman who got her 11 month chip who said she didn’t really “get it” until about six months later, but she kept coming. I listened to the woman who said she wasn’t going to come tonight but every time she comes there is something that someone says that she needs to hear. I got that. ‘I’ needed to hear that.
At the end of the meeting, everyone got up. I started to put my jacket on because I thought it was over. It was not. Everyone got in a circle, held hands and said a prayer. Embarrassed, I said “I’m sorry; it’s my first time…” The woman next to me said, “Just take my hand.” But it was the nicest voice I ever heard. We said a prayer, and then after that I was bombarded with women offering me their phone numbers and words of encouragement.
Was I scared? Yes. Did I finally do it? Yes. Am I going back?