My disease took me to hell and back, and hell again and back again, and hell again...You get the point! I suffered for more than 10 years with different lengths of sobriety in that time. The most I have ever had was over a year. As of today, I have just over 9 months, and I'm not looking back. Well, maybe to rejoice in this great life of sobriety!
I always knew how to get sober; my big problem was staying sober. In my worst state, I would find myself hospitalized with different health complications due to alcoholism. Liver failure, pancreatic issues, esophageal bleeding. You know, all that fun stuff. The last time, my health was terminal. The doctors told me and my family that I would not be leaving the hospital alive. Well, I decided then that I wasn't ready to die just yet. By some miraculous intervention, I survived.... only to find myself, once well enough to drive, right back at the liquor store.
I let this disease continue on running the show for around 6 more months. I was a hard liquor alcoholic, 'Mr.100 Proof Smirnoff' was my best friend. He was always there for me, morning, noon and night. Me and the bottle...we were tight. He was the answer to everything....when I was sad, celebrating, mad, glad -- like no other of my friends, he was there.
I finally had to end this relationship, before it ended me. So in June of 2009, I checked myself into an outpatient rehab center. I learned there everything I was dying to know... literally.
I can't say that it's always been easy, but then again, nothing worth having is. Sobriety to me is a gift, a daily gift that I give myself, my children and loved ones. I hear people talk about the cravings, and the desire to have just one. I've come to learn that one is too many and a million would never be enough. As long as I think before I drink, I have a choice and a chance... So do you!