**Submitted by Anonymous
So, who am I? I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a friend. I am educated and professional. I live in the suburbs in a nice house, even have the picket fence. But I am also lonely, isolated and desperate. I sometimes can’t stand being in my own skin. I despise myself most days. I want to scream and I want to cry.
Five days ago, I finally admitted I was an alcoholic.
I don’t really get it yet. All I get is the anger so far. Anger for letting it get to this point. Anger for letting this “thing” screw up my marriage. Anger for not being able to have a drink. Ever. Again. And this surrendering thing, who or what am I supposed to be surrendering to anyway?
It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. All I feel is pain and sadness. I feel lost in a way too. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know how to fill the time. I know that it will get better, or at least I have to believe that right now. It can’t get any worse. If it does I will be dead or even more alone without a family.
I am scared but hopeful. I want to be happy again. I want to enjoy every minute with my beautiful children. I want to laugh with my husband again. I want to giggle with my kids and dance with them and be there with them. All the time.
I want my life back.
I am starting on a difficult path. I am giving up something that has always been so comforting to me. My escape, my refuge, my “ahhhh” at the end of the day (or the middle of the day).
My tears are hitting the keyboard right now. I want to beat this thing. But I am scared, so scared. I don’t want to lose my family.
I don’t want to lose myself anymore.
So, who am I?
I am you and you are me.